Procrastination

Today was essentially the last day of my vacation, and I got nearly nothing accomplished. The next 2 days will be spent wedding-ing it up with my bestie bride to be and trying to be the best maid of honor I can possibly be. I know there are many people out in the world who for one reason or another aren't really thrilled to be bridesmaids or maid of honors (not necessarily even among my readers-this is directed at no one in particular), but I have just always wanted to do it. I am beyond thrilled to have the honor and privilege. I would gladly do it for anyone I am friends with. It makes me so excited. I have enjoyed every moment of being involved in this wedding, especially as the bride is truly marrying the love of her life. I know I'm gushing a little, but I just finished writing my speech, and I had to cut out a lot of the gush as it was becoming way, way too long lol.

things I was SUPPOSED to accomplish: (but didn't)

-laundry.  always at the top of my to do list, yet very rarely gets done. this is not really a surprise.
-pack for the wedding.  to be done as soon as I finish this post.
-take down my christmas tree. I guess I have another week to do this. I got some new ornament packer boxes and so it's not going to be simple, it's going to be an exercise in organization.
-organize my bathroom. another break I guess.
-go through my closet. not really helpful when half my clothes are in the laundry basket to be cleaned. oh well.
-general cleaning. oops.
-grade and do quarter 2 report cards. but hey they aren't due until January 6, and there is no time like the last minute!
-oil change, tires rotated, 15000 mile service for Bella. I meant to do it today but the service center wasn't taking appointments. guess it will have to go for another week. luckily she's only at 14900 ish, so she has some wiggle room.

Trust me, as long as this list is, I swear I got some things done this break. Oh, and my new power cord came today! Many days sooner than expected. So no more fears of the super glue catching fire...  The new power supply is nothing at all like a little different than my old one, and not like the picture of what I was ordering.. but that is what you get I guess. it seems to work, so I'm not gonna get too excited about the differences. It's better than having to buy a whole new computer, which I can't afford for like 2 more years.

OK - off to pack my weekend bag and make sure I have all wedding essentials.

:)

super glue

My life - and by that I mean my computer- is being held together with super glue. My power cord broke last night and I cried and cried. The internet search accomplished with the 8.5 minutes of battery my laptop could hang on to was less than helpful. Apple laughed in my face when I tried to find a replacement, seeing as my model is about 4 generations and somewhere around 7 or 8 years old.
BUT some dad magic and some super glue, and I am writing this from my couch. Wireless router is my new friend, and if the super glue holds (and the power cord doesn't short out and catch everything on fire) this new set up should be pretty good. Just in case, the back up power cord is being shipped and should be here in 5-7 days. I just am afraid the super glue isn't exactly designed to hold electronics and it makes me nervous how long it will actually last.
It just occured to me that "I broke my power cord trying to set up wireless internet and my apple is too old to replace it easily" may or may not be a white girl problem. Poor white girl problem maybe. :)

In other news, my bestie is getting married in 2 days and I have many Maid of Honor things (and regular person things) to accomplish tomorrow. I am super excited and a tiny bit nervous. I just want everything to be perfect. She deserves it. :) Also if someone could come do my laundry that would be fantastic.

Happy last night of Hanukkah, and love you all!

:)

I will totally update this later with pictures, promise*

*there is a 99.999% chance I will NOT actually update this post with pictures. But telling you that I will makes me feel better. So, sorry? 


So today was a bad day. Nothing too terribly awful happened, but it was a BAD day - start to finish.
I had to yell at kids. I didn't have the things I needed for today copied. Many parents had to be called. Children went home on YELLOW (first time all year for me to have to move a kid to yellow!). Children thought the bathroom was actually a jungle gym, and climbing on toilets was totally allowed (it's not). I kept my class in from recess.

BUT.

Because I kept them in from recess (in part because they were no good, terrible, bad, and in part because our scheduled holiday market time was during recess and the elves would have been mad if I didn't take my kids to spend their parent's hard earned money on crap thoughtful presents [sorry for the very long interjection]) I gave them 18 minutes of free time at the end of the day. We all needed it.

During this time some of my sweet angels drew me pictures. I gave them scrap papers and said they could use markers (free time = only time you can use markers) and so I was forgiven for yelling at them.

One of my sweet angels (who earlier in the day thought climbing on the toilet was the coolest thing ever) drew me this picture.

[Insert picture of picture, that I totally probably not update this blog with]

I looked at it. I could not figure out for the life of me what it was supposed to be. (this would make more sense to you if you could see said picture).

I said, "Oh how pretty. Can you describe it to me?"
She looked at me like I had 6 heads. This was free time. Not describe things time. Describe is obviously a reading/writing time word.
I tried again. Cuz I had no clue what this thing was. It looks kind of like an orange ax. With squiggles.
I whisper in my best whisper voice, "what is it?"
She said,"I don't know. I just drew stuff."
And I laughed. So loud and so hard. For like 5 minutes. Funniest thing since the stick joke.

I guess you had to be there. But I so needed that laugh.

in other news, a bulleted list.

• I tried to explain irony to 2nd graders today. I had no luck. But man was it funny. Almost as funny as watching them not 'get' irony. I then told them it was funny (and called irony) and they humored my by laughing fake laughs and whispering "I don't think it's funny" to each other. My kids love me so much they fake laughed! I love them so :) 
• This is STILL not the blog I meant to write before. Hopefully this weekend that will happen
• I have joined Match.com.  it's been 13 days and no one wants to marry me yet. In funny money news, my credit card DECLINED the charge initially and flagged it as possible fraud. Yea, explaining to customer service that yes, I did want the charge to "MATCH COM" to go through was slightly humiliating. Thanks for having my back? But no one stole my credit card to sign up for a boyfriend. (totally embarrassed). 
• My sister and her boyfriend get in town tomorrow. It is also her birthday. I tried to tell her it was her 22nd birthday. Apparently she is actually turning 25, and I told her this is impossible as it makes ME old. No such luck, I am old. 
• Tomorrow is also the 15th anniversary of the day we moved to Texas. I have now officially lived in Texas LONGER than New England. Do I have to turn in my Yankee card? 
• My brother (who is also old now) is taking his first round of finals next week. The way he is whining and going on about it on his facebook status you would think that finals are the worst hardest thing to ever happen to him, AND he is the first person ever to take finals. Poor baby...not.
• I hate everything about the new management at my apartment complex. Tomorrow I'm gonna complain my head off. Also, file a noise complaint on my downstairs neighbor who is currently shaking my house with his music. grr.
• GLEE totally used #WGP this week! Granted, Sam got it wrong and called them "rich white girl problems" but hey, WGP is getting out there. Happy. :) 

:) 

Still not the blog

Still not the blog I warned of in the pre-blog. But entertaining none the less.

1. I watch Chelsea Lately almost nightly. I love Chelsea Handler. I support most things she does. She's a funny smart lady. Now last night she had Whitney Cummings as her guest. Whitney used to be on the CL show. She was a round table regular. A CH pal. And she is a funny lady in her own right. She is producing 2 broke girls- one of my favorite new shows, and her show Whitney is ok (I don't cry if I miss it, but it's watch-able).  So WC is on CL promoting Whitney, and man was she COCKY! Yes I understand this is your bestie and you can relax, but don't act like you're some huge big shot. You used to be ON that show. Chill girl.

2. I was on iTunes on my phone (bad call ALWAYS) at oh 11 pm or so, from my bed, and somehow this happened.

From the Disney show SO Random -  MC Grammar with "The gift of grammar."
Yep. This song (not video) is now in my iTunes library.
At 11pm I thought it was hilarious.
I had thoughts I would let my kids listen to it. "A teaching tool!" I thought.


yea. Feel free to mock me now. :)

pre-blog

I have 2 things that are very blog worthy, but no time to properly blog about them. This is the pre-blog. The warning that eventually I will, in fact, blog about them.**

In the meantime, a super fun story.

I need/want a new watch. The watch I'm currently wearing I got when I was 18 (that was a bit of a time ago). I have replaced the battery TWICE this year. THIS YEAR, 2011. That's a lot. And it's not easy, it requires a trip to a jeweler and $18 average each time.
Today my watch was running 5 minutes late by the time the day was over. I re-set it sometime last week. The date is not keeping up with the date. Meaning, today is the 29th right, right now the window shows 28. It will change to 29 tomorrow at noon. This is incorrect. No matter how many times (at least 4 this month) I change the date at midnight, it takes a day and a half to change.

In short, my watch is only barely keeping correct time.

My wish list for my new watch is very simple.

bracelet type band (slim, sleek, looks like a bracelet, happens to have a watch. nothing bulky or thicker than 2/3 in.)
Numbers.  no dots, diamonds, dashes, or my least favorite- just 4 dots. I need to tell time QUICKLY. I need numbers.
Date. Please tell me what day it is, watch.  I don't need phases of the moon and all that jazz, but I write down the date several times per day. Need.
(Yes, these features -date and time in quick digital format- are on my phone. No, I cannot whip my phone out all day while teaching 2nd grade. Also, my phone gets negative service at school. not that this has any bearing on the time, just saying. I don't have it out. )

Tonight my mom showed me several pictures of watches she had picked as possible presents for me. Each one had a flaw. None were right.
She said (frustrated with my dislike of all her choices), "what is it you DO want!?"
My answer, "This EXACT watch, but WORKING (pointing to my current watch on wrist.)"
so easy. :)

Does fossil even make this watch anymore? someone remind me to look that up...


**yes, I realize that I could have just blogged about them instead of pre-blogging. But, you know. This story was good too.  :)

so later- real blog. k.

ugly mirror

I cannot listen to the Adele song "Someone like you" anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's a fantastically beautiful song, well sung with powerful lyrics. Too powerful. It is so all about how I'm feeling about asshat that when I hear it, it's like a big mirror to my life. A big ugly mirror and I do NOT like what I see. shudder. Don't you hate that? It's been a year since I decided to stop talking to him, and 3 months since he realized I stopped talking to him and needed me back, only to snub me once again. Jerk.

In the meantime, I have lost 10 pounds from my new year's weight. 10 pounds in a year  6 months, PLUS the 7 I put on in the 6 months or so I dated SJ. Another reason he was bad for me. *to be honest, I don't feel that different. I'm only down one pants size, and I still feel fat. I have a long way to go.*
So to celebrate my loss of 17lbs since May, I signed up for match.com.  Everyone else was doing it.

It's been a day, no one wants to marry me yet. I find this quite disappointing.

Will keep you posted.
(meanwhile, I got my first message in like 3 month on my pof account. I guess when you tell the universe you are ready - or rub the "F-You" stamp off your forehead as CS says- then the universe responds. He was a dud though. Still looking...)

no more kool aide

Day 60.
CAUTION- super crazy ahead. oh yea. you've been warned.

This has been a really rough week. Yes, it is only TUESDAY.  I forgot what this time of year was like in elementary. it's tough. I can't want for thanksgiving. mostly cuz I LOVE thanksgiving, it's my favorite. but we all need a break. apparently I need a break from my shift key.. I apologize but I'm too lazy to capitalize things. I'm waiting for my Word auto correct to take care of it for me, but it's not, cuz this isn't Word...so sorry.

I got news this week that my instructional coach at the middle school I used to be at where I used to work...
wait, no.  so this is how grammar crazy I am. even though I am not doing a super great job of capitalizing things, I totally just re-wrote that sentence. The sentence with nothing wrong you say? why yes.  "the middle school I used to be at," is not completely wrong, but my "where you at" aversion is soo strong, I HAD to go back and rewrite the sentence. I left the original so you could see. (I love the cross through feature). Yes, I'm a nut. And then, I told you about it. Like a crazy person. I need grammar AA.

anyway, moving on.

so my old instructional coach announced she is taking a position in another ISD as a promotion, and I emailed her telling her how excited I was for her.

Just a note.  when you get a promotion, and you announce it, and someone expresses to you that they are very happy/excited for you (when they didn't have to say anything) it is POLITE to RESPOND and say thank you. (cough cough asshat*cough). *remember like 4 posts ago when i said i was letting him go? yea i totally tried, but this is what happens when he comes back. i get emotionally wrecked, i try, i fail, sue me. I'm working on it. it's still common decency to respond. and not be an asshat.

ANYWAY, I spent quite some time carefully crafting my email, since i found out only because I'm accidently still on her group distribute list from last year and I didn't want her to know that. But i did profusely thank her for my amazing year last year. I hope she responds (like a decent human being, again, looking at you m asshat person.) cuz that would make me feel good.

In related news, when you read an email finding out someone's loved one has passed away it is POLITE to RESPOND, that you are sympathetic. it's called manners.  this is rude and bitchy and only in here since I am currently pms-ing hard core. Sorry.

I just got lost in my own train of thought and forgot where I was going. This has been happening to me a lot lately.


oh well.

so anyway, all the girls are wearing these adorable and totally covetable tutus to school. I am wicked jealous. there is no way my mom would have ever let me go to school in a tutu and tights, since tights are not pants, i don't care how old or young you are. I want to go back in time and wear one so bad. I was going to be a toddlers and tiaras pageant princess (ultimate grand supreme of course) for halloween, and bought a tutu, but I was sick with the mini flu (thanks flu mist vaccine!) and was in bed instead. missed my chance.

which brings me to my quote of the day.   coveting a 7 year old's outfit, I said, " I am tu-tu old to wear a tutu."  which was super funny to my class (and me). and prompted one friend to say, "39 isn't that old. you could wear one."   OUCH. Do I look 39? tomorrow is pajama day. I may wear a tutu instead.

good night moon.

p.s.  I don't have a tag for "super crazy" or "grammar nazi" (and I refuse to make one) so I'm filing this under White Girl Problems. enjoy.

*update*  my old instructional coach DID respond, since she is a good and kind person (STILL looking at you asshat.)
and yes, this post is disjointed. there was another paragraph at first but it involved school business so I took it off to you know, protect my job and all. so sorry. **

Day 51

Today was the 51st day of school, and at halfway to 100 days and report card/conferences done I can breathe for the first time since like day 15. I left school today before 4:30 for the first time I can remember.

So, all that is to say sorry I've been MIA. I will try harder.

Lots to say, but of course my fall allergies/sinus infection has hit me full force and I can barely function. I also got all scared of needles and opted for the flu mist vaccine instead of the shot and have been stuffy ever since.

And in case you missed it, my grandmother died last week, (most inconvenient what with the 20 mandatory report card conferences I had to do...) and that hit me pretty hard with less than zero time to actually process and cope.

I think I'm over the hump though, on the other side of half way through this semester.

see you soon friends.

Head above water

Sorry it's been so long, school has sucked me in.
My status on FB on this day in 2009 (p.s. how creepy is that feature!) said, "today is the first day I don't feel like I'm drowning. I must have forgotten something."

Ah first year of teaching... fond memories. haha. Today I still feel a little drowning-ish. maybe more like treading water. All my reading testing is done! (now I just have to analyze the results) and I came up with an amazing writing lesson on the fly yesterday. My kids are well behaved in front of others (the librarian gave us a compliment, which is like totally huge for me), and I only made a handful cry this week. ;) j/k!

Most importantly, I left school before 5:00 pm 2 days in a row!!! That must mean I'm forgetting to do something.. oh well. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but 2nd grade is hard y'all!

In other news, I finally broke up with my trainer (about a month coming, and with the help of Courtney since I am so non-confrontational), since I lost more weight in the past 2 weeks NOT going to the gym than I did in the 2 months he was being an ass to me training me. I have my first work out with my NEW trainer on Friday -- If I can keep up this current trend of leaving school.

Saturday I am taking Ashley to the Third Day concert for her early birthday! And am working on planning Mere's bachelorette party. :) Busy busy, so I apologize for my blog absence.

I think that's the wrap up.  If I can continue to tread water for another week I think I'll be able to get this whole elementary thing down.  And bonus! Early release day next week. :) Love it.

Love you, Miss you, will try to do better.

xxx
Sarah :)

never apologize/ the X files

I am sorry friday night's post wasn't fleshed out. I was afraid to take it all the way (I was afraid of offending), I was really blogging to keep from thinking about something that had just happened, and I was trying not to be too long winded. I know it's incomplete. Fill in the blanks. Everyone knows a HH or two, so draw your own conclusions.

I was, in a round about way, trying to throw out there into the world some small indication that I just got out of a relationship, and it was my decision to end it. Why you ask? Cuz just like he does about once a year (and always at exactly the worst time ever) a ghost from my past decided to pop up. So briefly it seems silly to be blogging about it now. I'm not gonna lie, he has sent me reeling all weekend. I have a zillion and twenty things I want to say to him. But, just as quickly as he appeared, he is gone again, along with my window to say anything. Even though he said he would "talk to me tomorrow" it has now been 2 days since his message. Good thing I didn't hold my breathe...

Maybe in 2 more years I'll get a chance to have a meaningful conversation. Or maybe I will never get to say what is on my heart. Maybe it's better that way. BUT, just in case he found his way here, I wanted it known that I haven't spent the past year(s) he has been out of my life alone. That in the meantime, someone else loved me. That I am capable worthy of being loved. Maybe I wanted to remind myself too. 

I hate that after doing so well forgetting him, I've been totally consumed with thoughts of him all weekend (and hate that most of those thoughts are so angry!). So I'm writing this, and then I'm going back to forgetting. I have much more important things happening in my life right now. None of which he seems interested in hearing about. Which really speaks the most about his intentions. His ability to be a "friend". So just shake it off....

SO, my goals for this year:
-be the best second grade teacher I can be!

-write (and win) a grant. Need to start brainstorming grant ideas...

-find the perfect doctorate degree program, get accepted, and start. I want to be a Dr. :) Right now I'm leaning toward an Ed. D., maybe something in counseling? I am waiting to find the right program.

Now, time for bed. So I can wake up refreshed and renewed, and ready for the week ahead.

:)
Love you!

Week 1

Ok, not gonna lie. Teaching second grade is HARD! But I'm learning to love it and all its challenges. :)

And that's all I'm gonna say about school. Except this - I am so freaking tired!  OK. Moving on.


SO I've been thinking about this blog post for over a week now. I want to talk about "Helpless Housewives" (trademark- do not steal!!). These are the women who marry (mostly into money), don't work, and spend all their time running from hair to nail to gym appointments. Wow, what a hard life. Ok so part of me sort of envies them, what with their no responsibilities, and complete obliviousness to all things related to the real world (like, how much money is in their bank account, or say, what day of the month the electric bill is due, or for that matter, how much it usually is...).

But- I so totally value my independence and I refuse to give it up. Even if it means not getting married right this second like everybody else most people my age. *my close circle of friend would never be helpless housewives, and I am not talking about awesome people I am besties with. duh.* My parents just raised me to be a strong, independent dinosaur who can take care of herself. I'm smart, I'm employed (yea!!), and I can do this. Thank you very much. Please take your white knight complex elsewhere.

Which is why, even though it would totally have been the super easy way out, I refused to let my now ex save me. I wouldn't move in with him. I had to make it through this time on my own. Make my own way. Sometimes this past month I have regretted it. But then I know I wouldn't be teaching second grade, starting a whole new adventure, and know I can handle anything.  So yes, friends, I am single. And happy.  And a second grade teacher.

:)

Clean slate

Tomorrow is the first day of school. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I'm also excited. I think it's gonna be a good year. Watch out second grade, here I come. :)

In other news, today is bella's birthday!! I bought my pretty new car a year ago today. At just over 10,000 miles she's still amazing. Best decision ever.

Alright loves, I'm having a glass of clean slate to remind myself this is a brand new year. Now I just have to decide what to wear! :)

Happy new year!

Running out of time

I have installed the mobile blog app so i can post from my bed. Cuz man, do I love bed.

Day one of "real" back to school was exciting and exhausting.

I officially have no time for:
Tv
Eating
Laundry (like I did that anyway)
Blogging (we call this irony)
Anything Not on the official inservice schedule or not directly related to setting up my room

I spent this evening cutting coloring and glueing assorted signs for my room. I am exhausted and pretty sure every edge is crooked. My fingers still feel sticky from the glue stick. Someday I will be able to cut a strait line. Today is not that day.

And now my friends, it is time for sleep. I have much more to say, but like I said, no time to blog.

Yawn! :)

Sic 'Em

Tomorrow my little baby brother goes to college. He is Baylor bound, following in the footsteps of yours truly. This obviously make him smart. :) As I have to go back to work tomorrow, I find myself super jealous that he gets to go to college. I hope he takes advantage of the time. College rocks.

When I was in college I think I learned a lot. Most of all I learned that the many "fairies" that I thought did all sorts of chores do not actually exist! Now, as an adult, I find myself still wishing the fairies would show up.
The following fairies have let me down over the years....

• Dishes fairy, and her cousin, empty the dishwasher fairy
• Laundry fairies (the twins, wash AND fold)
• clean the floors fairy
• pay the bills fairy
• fill the car with gas fairy
• bathroom cleaning fairy
• job fairy
• make the bed fairy
• put things away fairy
• bank account full fairy

It's amazing all the things that have to be done when you are a grown up. :-P 

Anyway, I would do college again in an instant. But instead I have to go to work tomorrow. And then come home and do all the things the fairies were supposed to do. 

I made my brother take a picture with me in our line jerseys. (I was just thrilled my line jersey fit!)

9 years later, another fantastic decision! 

Sic 'em Bears!

:)

So far, so fast

This is my 30th post on this blog. Seems like a nice even number, so I thought I would commemorate. If I had done one a day, it would be a month's worth of posts. Since I didn't, it's about 2 months of posts (still not a bad average).

I am so far from where I started just 30 posts ago. At the beginning, I didn't have a job. I had all my teaching stuff piled in my parent's garage. I had filed for unemployment. I had a boyfriend (ok, that change was MY decision, but still.)

Today, I spent my second day trying to put together my classroom. A classroom I didn't even fathom having 2 months ago. I have a contract for the year, and I'm going to teach 2nd grade. Somehow.

I'm so thankful to have a classroom to move into. To get to keep teaching. To get to keep doing something I love despite all the turmoil in the field. To get my stuff out of the garage (cuz dude, it's like 200 degrees in there!). I really am, I promise. I know I'm supposed to teach.

I am going to miss teaching middle school. There is no way around that. I loved teaching journalism and I know I made a significant difference with my j-babies. I want to cry all the time mourning the loss of what I thought would be "the perfect job." I am trying to tell myself that that job from last year no longer exists, and I will never again have a group of j-babies that were so eager to learn and needed me so much. Sometimes you are just put with groups of kids for a reason, and I will never have a group like them again. But I miss them. A lot. I was confirmed again yesterday from an old student (daughter of a teacher at my new school, and former occupant of my current room, so she helped me arrange desks) that I really did make a difference for her, and she learned many IMPORTANT THINGS. She also was able to tell her mom that my favorite color is blue, not to share mascara, and about the inverted pyramid. :)

I am having a hard time being excited about 2nd grade. I'm such a perfectionist and I want to do things 'right', and right now I don't quite know what that looks like. Which makes me doubt myself, and panic, and worry, and be overwhelmed and cry. I just want to do a good job. I want to love this year. I want to feel confident that I am going to do the right things (and get to keep my job.....) Some of the "cutesy" things that my team mates are doing I roll my eyes at (I maintain a no glitter zone in my room). All my resource books are for grades 4-6. I feel wildly unprepared. I have no idea how on earth I am going to level and sort and label all my books for my classroom library by the end of the week.

Today I only got as far as putting up my calendar center, because math is my weakness so I wanted to get it out of the way. Also, the A/C wasn't quite kicked on in the building and it is so freaking hot (109 in my car on the way home) so I wanted something quick to finish and go home. Tomorrow and Thursday I have a workshop so I won't really get to work in my room. Then inservice week, meet the teacher night, and school.  It's almost here, so I am trying to get it together and get excited.

No Fear- :)

Money Bath

Saturday a friend tried to set me up with some dude. Dude immediately got off to a bad start by proclaiming that teachers are overpaid. Let's just say no sparks flew. (He later said that he was joking, but considering the audience it was still a very bad move.) I think I'll stick to internet dating...

I paid a bunch of bills today and checked out my Mint.com graph to see where all my money went. (P.s. I LOVE Mint.)

Not only am I NOT overpaid, I spent over $300 on school stuff already, and I haven't even done my big trip to the Mecca yet.

I still need:
Clipboards (can't find cheap ones)
An ABC line (my old one is in script, I think for 2nd grade they will prefer print).
A Number line (WTF Math?)

um... assorted things? I'm sure once I get to Lakeshore I will need 100 other things.

In other news, today I did very close to nothing.. except put together some birthday presents and re-paint my old passes. I feel all crafty!

Now I guess I'll go take a money bath, you know, since I'm so overpaid. :)

Cold with a chance of sore butt

It's workshop season! That magical time right before school starts where teachers spend all their time freezing to death in uncomfortable chairs trying to learn all the new wonderful ideas that we will TOTALLY use when school begins. Today our workshop was so cold some woman got her baby's blanket out of the car and wrapped herself in it. It's truly distracting when a grown woman is shivering under a fleece butterfly blanket. Also, I have never sat in a more uncomfortable chair.

This year, all my workshops are giving me panic attacks. Today's was very elementary school. Lots of clapping, and cuteness, and we were supposed to cheer at the lamest of jokes. I was not feeling very elementary today. I longed for a middle school workshop. Something on bullying, or high expectations, not phonemic awareness. Really, I think I'm just scared and so I'm throwing up walls. Fear rocks!

I was going to blog about something else, but my booty hurts and I'm just starting to get feeling back in my legs. Sorry for such a lame post. I just felt like I had to say something, it's been a few days.

:)

Popping rocks

Apparently pop rocks are cool again.

At least 3 people I know have mentioned pop rocks in their facebook posts this week.

-One posted a video of his small baby child eating them (which may or may not actually be safe...)
-One said she got pop rocks in a media kit
-One asked where to get pop rocks in her area

I may not be a social media powerhouse (yet) but I can recognize a trending topic. And this topic, is totally trending.

So, attention everyone! Pop rocks are totally the coolest thing ever right now. Get some!

Not happily ever after

Friends with benefits is hilarious. Super great movie, would totally watch again.

Except for the last 20 minutes. You know, when they inevitably fall in love and live happily ever after.

SOO not what happens in real life. Been there, done that, he is NOT in love with me. I am  NOT living happily ever after. (According to last night's totally not planned stalking, he is all sorts of happily ever after. so that's awesome. as was being stared down at the gym by his skinnier than me ex-girlfriend this morning.)

Which really is just the theme of my day today - not happily ever after.

Also known as "everyone else is having a much better life than me" day.

I either need a hamburger, or to go to the gym.

Quicky

I think my blog posts are too long. For this I am sorry. I don't do concise well. I have lots of thoughts, I feel I have to explain and give background. I will try to do better.

Today was a very panic attack-y day. Math is overwhelming, and not at all what I thought I had gotten myself into. I am scared to death I can't do this. Then, after math panic, I saw the English team from my old school at the library doing some planning and it was a very sad, outside looking in experience.

I did talk to my neighbor today, she's sweet, and may even be able to hook me up with my halloween costume.... but did agree to turn the vibrate off on her phone alarm. Apparently she often sleeps through her alarm, and I can't say I don't relate, cuz I do, but I don't want to hear the buzzing of HER alarm in MY room. So hopefully this can be resolved in a non-stabby manner.

Please remind me to re-address the following topics at a later, non panicy time:
-Switched at Birth -- interesting nature v. nurture discussion. also, no one is having sex (yet)! Yea ABC Family!

-My strange addiction - I have never looked at a cleaning product and thought, yum, food! Food is good. Cleaning stuff is not. Eating chalk/your couch/dryer sheets is gross.

-Ads part 2 - Sonic=good (ALWAYS funny) , Summer's Eve=bad (it's all about the V? double gross).

-Glitter. Is. Banned. In. My. Classroom. I don't care what grade I teach, no glitter. ever. Think Mommy Dearest and the wire hangers. Tell that woman on the target commercial (more back to school? make it stop!) not to tell people to buy glitter.  Ditto on the rice station that was shown in the example video at my math workshop. There is no way on this planet I am letting small grains of anything loose in my room.

OK, maybe I don't need to circle back to these topics- unless the public demands it. My mind is full of stuff people. I need a place to put it, or I will anxiety myself into oblivion. Thanks for listening.

:)

TV time

Disclaimer- sometimes (ok, all the time) I think I sound like Jen Lancaster. I re-read Bitter is the new Black today and since then I have decided I am exactly as witty as Jen. True or not, reading this blog post requires a small amount of familiarity with Jen, or it may not be nearly as hilarious as I promise it actually is.
-----

TV is amazing. Even when there is nothing on, it's still pretty good. This weekend I did NOTHING (except get mildly sunburned and not at all drunk, see last night's post) and it was amazing. I don't think I have truly had a weekend "off" in quite a while. The first thing I did was clean out my DVR. DVR is the most fantastic accessory to TV, allowing things to be recorded to watch later. Yesterday I watched so much DVR, I forgot after while that it was recorded and I could fast forward through the commercials, until I was confused as to why I was watching commercials for valentine's day. (Yes, I was watching TV from February. I recall being very busy that month. This is what summer is for).

Which led me to thinking about commercials. I have a degree in Journalism, and have spent lots of time in advertising and marketing classes. My father is convinced my Master's is in marketing. (It's not.) I know some stuff about commercials. Please, allow me to share with you.

First of all, Old Navy, I am super disappointed that you are  trying to sell school uniforms in July. Now I know that you know this is wrong, as the smirky mother in the commercial is sending her poor kids outside while singing about the fact that is it "only July." If it is "only July" (use of the modifier 'only' original ON content) then why on Earth are you selling back to school? Are parents supposed to push their well dressed kids out on the porch to wait for the bus for 3 weeks? Poor parenting never wins. Also, do not allow that child to bring that huge unicorn to school. Her teacher will hate you for it. Finally, your male child is a douche. Correct this immediately and do not let him "pop his collar" again.

Speaking of poor parenting, since when is Nutella part of a balanced breakfast? When I think good breakfast, I often think of putting chocolate on bread. What a good idea! Nutella has a whole website devoted to this cause. It does point out that the key to this plan is putting the chocolate hazelnut/coco spread on WHOLE GRAIN bread products, however, I see some flaws in this plan. Now I am not against Nutella. It's GOOD! I took French class, I know the appeal. I just don't see how putting basically chocolate peanut butter on toast is the best breakfast plan you can develop for your children. Unless you want them to crash around show and tell time. With that awful giant unicorn.

Since we are talking about poor decisions, Dear Nick Lachey...Are you A) a glutton for punishment B) suffering from retrograde amnesia or C) stupidest former pop "star" ever? What part of "I'll put my second wedding on TV" seemed like a good idea to you? Did you FORGET how poorly putting your wedding on TV turned out the first time? Do you expect different results, now that you are soo not relevant to pop culture? You are lucky TLC is actually the wedding channel, or no one would consider putting wedding number 2 on air. What do you hope to gain from this adventure? Neither you nor whoever you are marrying is important enough to warrant air time, so how is this different than any other "say yes to the dress" episode? Please crawl back under whatever rock you were hiding under, as no one needs to see your second train wreck.

I'm sure there is more, but tonight is technically a school night, as I have a workshop to attend tomorrow and Tuesday. I will be learning how to teach math. From what I can tell from scanning the 12 volume textbook, it somehow involves lots and lots of counting pockets. Like the kind in your pants. Hopefully this will become much clearer tomorrow. In the meantime, there are at least 3 more weeks of summer, so stay away from stores trying to push back to school on you and go pick up some mini-wheats (Full and focused!).

Too tired to sleep

It is 12:27am on Saturday night Sunday morning. And even though I spent $20 at spec's this evening, I am not even close to "drunk". I am such a lame butt I didn't even finish a whole glass of my concoction- making my total alcohol intake for the night somewhere between 0 and 0.5 oz. I bought some cotton candy flavored vodka, which in its defense smells amazing, but is sticky like real cotton candy, and I wasn't really in the mood I thought I was in to be able to drink it.

Anywho- I would love to be in bed right now (I know, totally lame) but my new neighbor who I have decided to hate seems to be in the mood I thought I was in, and is having a loud party. Not like so loud that I can hear the conversation, but loud enough that I can hear the music. I must get in and see how she has arranged her house, as it seems to be very conducive to annoying me, much more so than domestic violence couple.

My biggest dilemma(s) at the moment is(are) 1- WHY am I awake when I have taken an ambien and watched the J.K. Rowling movie?  2- is it wrong to file my unemployment claim at 12:33am when the window opened at 12:00. Should I wait at least till daylight hours? 3- will I EVER learn to apply sunscreen, as my shoulders and face are now burning on fire from spending the afternoon at the pool.

These, my friends, are "White Girl Problems" or WGPs. At least, that's the working definition. Taken from a grad school, um, 'friend'? whose blog I stalk. Her examples include: being a D cup (check), wine that is warm (and ice cubes are not classy), starbucks addictions, and small purse dogs needing anti-depressants (just like their owners).  My current WGP? sunglasses sunburn line. Sexy.

12:38, and at least How I Met Your Mother is on. I so love this show. It has quite a few WGPs. I noticed this evening how many times a character on the show is unemployed and living on someone's couch. A shocking amount for people who are supposed to be grown ups. This makes me feel better about my life.  And since doing SAT tutoring, I have noticed that many of the common SAT words are used in the show. Smart people, bad decisions, White girl problems. Love it.

12:41 and I think the music has gotten quieter. It may be safe to return to my bed. I have decided to wait until morning to file my claim, mostly because I have to math out my tutoring hours, and I have a feeling I will math it incorrectly at the moment. And my notes with my hours is in my purse.

Sorry for the random blog. Good thing I'm not drunk, or this would have been weird. ;)  I have a good one brewing, about advertising. Deep insights I promise. Or just stick around for more White Girl Problems. All the cool kids have them.

:)

Why Pinterest is evil

At some point this summer everyone started playing on Pinterest. I learned about it from Rachel, but I feel I am not properly utilizing the um, service?

See, 89% (approximation) of the "pins" on Pinterest are directly related to weddings, babies/children, or home decor. Photography ideas for babies, weddings, engagements, family photos. Craft ideas for babies, homes, weddings. Wedding cakes, favors, bridesmaid dresses, etc. Ideas to decorate staircases, kitchens, nurseries, hallways, etc. Birthday party ideas for children.  Basically, a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with me.
The rest of the pins are cute/funny sayings, teacher stuff, or recipes, which I can actually use- you know in an alternate universe where I have unlimited time and money.

Pinterest is evil because it makes me want to make things I won't. It makes things I thought were totally unique, totally common. It makes me hungry! It makes me insecure that I have not already planned my wedding and pinned my dress, bridesmaid dresses, and flower arrangements. Good thing I am not anywhere close to getting married, I can work on that one! Not even going to touch the abundance of baby related pins, focus on wedding first.

I am definitely letting Pinterest suck up many hours of my life, but in return it has led me to a few super adorable teacher ideas, which will be super handy now that I am going back into the world of very small children and cute things. (Middle schoolers care very little about cute things, and mock them whenever possible.)

So tonight, I made my first Pinterest inspired project!

Here is the original idea. Smarty pants for the classroom. Positive behavior management. And just stinkin' cute!

The link says she filled them with Smarties candy, but since the State/School district have VERY strict no candy rules that I don't even want to mess with, I am probably filling mine with free homework coupons, stickers, front of the line passes, and other such non-edible rewards.


I got this pair of 4T girls jeans on CLEARANCE at Target when I was stocking up on the dollar spot teacher stuff. These pants cost me $4.00. I sewed them shut right above the hem, since it was already so nice. (Sorry for the upside-down picture, Blogger won't let me turn it.)

They came with the 3 pink buttons sewed on. I didn't want them to look too "girly" so I raided my Mom's sewing room and her extra button jar. Add some hot glue gun action, and now they look like this:

SOOO super cute! If I do say so myself.... not AS overwhelmingly pink, and very colorful. Blue toddler hanger (also from Mom's stash) as my new school's colors are Royal Blue and Gold. I am printing off the smarty pants clip art and will mount on scrapbook paper, attach to the hanger and project is done.
Not half bad! I plan on stuffing the legs with batting so that the children don't have to reach very far down into the legs for their prizes. And the bottom rows of buttons cover my not as straight as could be stitching.

Now I would feel like a smarty pants myself, if I hadn't spent at least 20 hours on Pinterest in the past week. I can call it school research though, right?

Happy Pinning and crafting!

:)

Faith part 2

This morning AD and I went to Temple. It was our second attempt to go to this congregation, and I liked it a lot better this time. I will admit I was totally weepy the whole time. From the first song (one of my favorites) I was tearing up. I couldn't even sing (which is probably a blessing for everyone within earshot). I spent the majority of the service thinking about Baby James, praying for peace for him and his family. It was especially hard not to think of him when the cutest, sweetest little boy ended up sitting in front of us. He smiled at me often and looked like how I imagine James would look if he had gotten to be a bit older. The past few days my heart has been breaking for the Sikes family, and I don't even know how to finish this sentence. They have been on my mind and heart, and I was devastated this afternoon when I learned that James made his way to heaven today.

The sermon today was about being in 'the wilderness' and how He blesses us. It was very good. Powerful. Fitting. Thought provoking.

Today I realized:
I take on a lot. I very rarely have peace about anything. The anxiety monster keeps my head spinning and analyzing long after decisions (should) have been made. I am scared beyond all reason nervous about this upcoming school year. I am sad that my first year of teaching served to instill a constant sense of fear and insecurity in me about my ability. I felt like such a bad teacher today when the children came back from their classes in the middle of the sermon, making a huge disruption, and I was irritated. But it is OK to not be in love with every child at every moment in every situation (I think).
I need to stop being afraid. I need to remember to trust. So that's what I asked for today- a year without fear. To start this year- at this school -with this class -unafraid. Not worrying about what will happen at contract time. To be in the moment as it happens and not worry about everything. To love every moment for what it is, without being bogged down in fear. I will probably need help. And reminders. But I think the fear and self doubt is my worst enemy, and without them I can surely succeed.

Sorry for the heaviness. A much more lighthearted post tomorrow, I promise.

:)

gym fail

X is gunning for a big fat face punch. This morning I got to the gym 10 minutes before my appointment to warm up. An appointment I told him when we made it that it was too early, but he was booked later in the day and I had other obligations this afternoon. It was hard for me to get out of bed, and all I wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep. The fact that I got up, dressed, and out the door was an accomplishment in itself. And what greets me at the gym? X, "I'm disappointed that you are 5 minutes late. You are supposed to be here with enough time for a 15 minute warm up." Excuse me? You're gonna bitch at me for 5 minutes? I'm here. Which I explained to him, that my goal was to get to the gym. Period. His response? "My goal is to give you a good work out. Don't you care about my goal?" Um no, I don't. You get paid either way. You are here either way. Back on off my butt.

After a fairly OK workout, meaning I didn't complain too much or give up in the middle of the torture, I got a lecture.

From a 20 year old.

About my diet.

Which we already disagree about, as X thinks I should be paleo, and I am doing weight watchers so that I don't kill people. (See "points v. paleo" post from June.)

I don't need a lecture from a 20 year old boy about how he is disappointed that I'm not trying. Especially when said lecture included criticism about my high stress level (which I have zero control over- I've tried), my love of naps, my love of carbs, and how HE thinks I'm depressed. Oh good, tell the girl who just stopped medicating you think she's depressed. Where is your medical degree? Oh you don't have one because you go to community college and live with your parents. When I was 20 I was skinny too, cuz my life was easy(er), my metabolism rocked, and not much stressed me. I hadn't been unemployed twice. I hadn't changed schools and grades 3 times in 3 years (insecurity level= off the charts). I stopped taking the antidepressants because they made me fat. I'm not going back on. Even if I am stressed out of my mind (yes, still.)

And after this lovely lecture, he weighed me, because he is evil, and in the 2 months I've been going to the gym and making better food choices, I have GAINED weight. And body fat %. How is that even possible? Go to gym and GAIN weight? Only me. Only because my body hates me. I am so de-motivated, and telling me you're disappointed doesn't make me want to work harder. I'm not doing this for you. Get out of my face or get punched in yours.

I would switch trainers, as X is bent on treating me like a 5 year old, but I already switched trainers once. Switching twice in 2 months makes me look bad (I am guessing), which I HATE. Like I'm not insecure enough I have to burn through trainers. Which obviously makes it a "me" problem, not a trainer problem. Since I'm obviously a gym failure the last thing I want to do is switch trainers again and prove it.

Somehow I am going to have to gather enough balls to have a come to Jesus meeting with X on Tuesday. Or tell my body to stop holding on to fat, as being stressed is a way of life for me for the foreseeable future.

Conclusion- My body hates me. I just want to be one of those naturally skinny people. I want my body/brain to deal with stress better. And I want 20 year old trainers to back off. The gym should make you feel good, not bad. Where are all these endorphins I always hear about?

:)

Thankfulness & Faith

It's easy to complain. It was easy these past few months to be overtaken by the disappointments and hardness of the situations I found myself in. It is easy for anyone to get caught up in their own junk and be sad/mad/frustrated/whatever. My small source of strength during this time was/is the now super popular saying "keep calm and carry on." Similar to "don't sweat the small stuff," this phrase was to remind me to just keep going. Because life is hard and you just have to step up. I am not going to discuss my faith, mostly because I am still figuring it out. But I did put a lot of trust in "Keep calm and carry on" because I needed to trust and have faith that things were going to work out. Now I need to have faith that where I ended up is the right place for me.

During this time, it would have been really easy to go all woe is me and I tried really hard not to. There are other people out there who have it way worse than me. There are people I know who still don't have jobs. There are people I know and love who are suffering much greater challenges, with much more grace than I ever could. I think it is important to remember and recognize that. As my Uncle likes to say, "times are tough all over." (Yes, I know he stole it from somewhere else, but I'm on a roll and refuse to look for a citation.) Sometimes it is the struggles of others that make you thankful for what you have.

Today I am thankful that this time was quick for me. It could have stretched on for a long time, and I was preparing for it to. I am thankful that I didn't have to sacrifice more than I did. I am thankful that this situation made me realize just how badly I want to teach. And if that means 2nd grade for awhile, then thats where I'll be.

So where is this coming from you might ask? A certain story I saw today that is more connected to me than I first realized. My friend HD (who awesomely follows my blog) posted a link on her facebook today to the story of baby James. Now I am warning you, you will most likely cry your eyes out when you read it. I did. Seems innocent enough- sad story passed along by a friend, these things happen on the internet all the time. In fact, most of the comments on the blog start out, "you don't know me but....(hopeful message)." Which is great, because this family is truly going through a terrible time. 3 weeks ago everything was fine, and now tragedy. They need love and support. To feel connected and that they are not alone. The internet is great for these things.

As I was reading I realized 2 things. #1- My friend Mallory (whose blog I follow and is a sorority sister) posted about baby james almost 2 weeks ago. I didn't pay much attention to it then, but it also didn't have the blog link. I thought oh, that's sad, and moved on worrying about my own life (selfish selfish!!). Which led me to realization #2 - Mallory knows James' parents personally, because they went to Baylor. When I started reading the blog I realized I have probably met them as well. Apparently we were all in Oxford together the same summer for study abroad. Now I feel terrible that I cannot for the life of me remember them. But it was 6 years ago, and I did hang with my own small group. But really the whole group was not that big and I feel like I should remember them (however, I am terrible about remembering people...). It's crazy when something comes right back around to being more personal that you thought it was. I've eaten meals with these people; been on planes and trains with them. Their story could happen to me, my friends, anyone.

The point is this: it's a small world. We are all connected and everyone is going through something. So be kind to others and be grateful for what you have. Have faith in something bigger than yourself. Hold on to those you love. Be thankful.

:)

Mission Accomplished. (now what?)

Signed my contract today!!!! Officially re-employed and going to be teaching 2nd grade. Guess I'm one of the 325, not 45 after all. :)

2nd grade. Scary. And a huge change since I have never taught self-contained. My favorite part of middle school was that after 55 minutes, you got whole new kids. I really have to change my whole thinking for 2nd grade. And they are so little! Huge pro- no state testing in 2nd grade. So even though I will have the same kids all day long, there is no state test to stress about. Just their reading scores. And I can teach some reading. And I have a 2 day workshop at the end of the month for Foundations of Math, so that my class isn't nearly as math inept as their teacher. :)

In related news, the teacher stuff is out at the target dollar section. Watch out, there is some good stuff this year. And if my mom asks, I totally didn't buy anything. I have my Walmart list put together too (clipboards!), but it will be a few more weeks before their school stuff goes on mega sale.


So, few wrap up questions... how long can I continue to collect unemployment? How long do I have to continue to work my part time job? And now what do I stress about, besides how to teach 2nd grade which I'm super nervous about, not gonna lie. It feels good to have a plan for next year, maybe now I can enjoy what is left of my summer. But really there is still a lot that is going to be difficult about this year. Total honesty- my biggest hurdle is going to be not stressing about getting my contract renewed. If I can just keep focused on the task at hand and stay positive then I think I'll be ok.

OH! I almost forgot the other big news; the reason why staying calm is going to be a challenge. I am officially off anti-depressants. I sort of stopped taking them because I didn't have any refills and didn't think I could afford to go to my Dr. And now that I'm off I don't really want to go back on unless I have like a total breakdown halfway through the year. So we will see how that goes.

I think that's all in the big news category. Hopefully everything works out and 2nd grade is where I'm supposed to be.

:)

Random thoughts

I haven't been sleeping well (shock) and it is showing at the gym. My trainer, who I will call X, is noticing my fatigue. His solution to this? I get to come in every. day. this. week. Yep, the cure for being super tired is to work out more. I thought I could get out of at least Friday, because there is a job fair, but noooo I just have to get up early and go before the job fair. X is evil, and determined to make me punch him in the face. He also tries to make me laugh in the middle of sets, which makes me lose count and have to do more. I'm on to him, but math was never my forte and I find it hard to do the exercise, count, and remember to breathe all at the same time.

So, the point of that was that it is almost midnight, and I should be asleep. Especially since I have to be at work at 9 am tomorrow. I can't wait to quit that job. It is driving me insane. Unfortunately, it kinda looks bad to quit a job while collecting unemployment... soon though. So soon.

Speaking of, I should be able to update with job news by the end of the week. I want paperwork in order before I go public, or quit other jobs and such.

Which leaves me with some random updates.

-Ordered my MOH dress for Mere's wedding today! Hopefully I will look amazing, as it is literally the last one in all the USA in my size/her color and coming from Kansas. It is very us to pick something that is discontinued and difficult to locate. It really only made me want it more. ;)

-I cannot decide if it is best to renew my vehicle registration for 1, 2, or 3 years. I feel like it can't be a bad idea to go ahead and register it for 3 years, since it already caught me by surprise by existing needing to be taken care of so soon ... and there isn't a price difference, just putting the money out now or later. I like the idea of crossing something off my to do list for a very long time.

-No, my bathroom is still not done. Mostly because I spent ALL DAY yesterday at work, and then slept in this morning (see above: exhausted).

-There is going to be a neighbor smack down, as soon as I am home long enough for it to happen. My screamy shouty domestic violence neighbors moved out, and I thought no neighbor could be worse. Boy was I wrong. My new neighbor has this terrible alarm clock that wakes me up every morning (even weekends) by vibrating my bedroom wall. This is NOT OK. It's not even loud, it sounds like a phone on vibrate. It's actually more annoying because it is so quiet, but a high pitched buzzing. Methodically timed. And I can't turn it off. The first 2 days I checked my phone thinking it must be mine. But no. Soon, they will be informed of this fact, and hopefully the buzzing will stop.

Going to *TRY* to go to sleep now. :)

Jinx

I'm pretty sure I jinxed myself by announcing my intention to overhaul the bathroom. Obviously, this has not happened yet. I did do some pretty epic napping this weekend though. It is on the list, and will eventually get done. Just like a million other things that are on the list.

I have tracked the past 2 days. One more day and I get some pizza!! :)

Apparently I need to renew my vehicle registration... I was totally not planning on that at all. I was completely surprised by the renewal notice. My car is only a year old, and since the inspection isn't due for another year I mistakenly thought the registration was good for 2 years too. Guess next week's unemployment check will be going to my car. Yea unexpected expenses!! Being an adult isn't fun yet...

There is news coming, but I refuse to jinx it by publishing before things are more finalized.

Tomorrow is going to be a super long day, so I think it is time to go back to bed. Best thing about bed? Can't eat while sleeping. win!


:)

Bad Girl

I've been a bad girl.  First, I've been a bad blogger- sorry for that! I'm a busy girl (more on that later).

I have been a bad WW girl. I haven't tracked in 3 days. I'm sure there is some sort of WW confession for this, but since I don't meeting, I'm just telling you. I haven't been too bad (except today's Chick-fil-a....but it was cow appreciation day, and essential. Oh yea, and that cake yesterday....). Ok I've been bad with my eating too.
BUT- I have been to the gym. I didn't bust my butt either day, yesterday or today, but I was there and that is half the battle.

Tomorrow morning I have my personal trainer and I promise to put some effort into it. Then I promise to track. I think I let the "holiday" take over the whole week, and I got lazy/distracted. SO if I am a good girl and track all weekend then I will reward myself with pizza on Monday. :)

OK, short update tonight since I have to be up and on my game early tomorrow morning. Then tomorrow is bathroom organization day.

:)

Clean-up

This weekend was devoted to cleaning.

First, I had some fun with bleach. My washing machine was spitting out clothes dirtier than when it went in. So I ran 1/2 a cup of bleach through on a short wash. Then I decided it was time to brighten up my blanket from my bed (white) and ran that with some bleach. Finally, a load of bras that were white at one time to make sure the bleach was out of the washer. Success! Blanket clean, bras brighter, and general clean feeling about the washer. Check.

I then moved on the the kitchen where I fixed my ice maker all by myself. See, the on/off arm thingy had come out of the switch hole (technical terms). I just had to get a flashlight and a chair and I got the arm thingy back into the switch slot. Ice maker now working. Check.

The rest of the week will (eventually) be devoted to a complete bathroom cabinet overhaul - all random bottles of stuff that hasn't been used will be discarded (come on girls, you know we all have them), all old makeup will be trashed, and the remaining supplies will be organized.  Probably Thursday or Friday.

In the meantime, I have a big day tomorrow. Wedding dress shopping w/ Mere (SQUEE!!!) and a JOB INTERVIEW (TRIPLE SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!) Just finished putting a new portfolio together (can't find my old one to save my life) and I think it looks pretty good. So fingers crossed tomorrow friends!

:)

Give me London

I'm pretty sure I was British in another life. I love London, tea, and HATE the 4th of July. It's pretty much a cursed holiday in my family, dating back to as long as I can remember. I'm also totally my father's daughter and get paranoid about the stupidest things, including the 4th. We are very superstitious about the so-called holiday. I almost can't explain why. 

I am probably the only person in a 100 mile radius pleased that fireworks are on the super no no list this year. No fireworks? Fine by me. Excellent even. Down with fireworks. OHH light in the sky-- Lame! They are dangerous, have no useful purpose, are dangerous, and often times illegal. Oh yes, 4th of July is a fantastic idea- let's add alcohol, explosives, and idiots! SO FUN! No. To safely watch fireworks, one must go be in a huge crowd of people. I hate crowds. Do it yourself? Someone is either getting hurt or arrested. 

There is also a large amount of red about on this holiday, and all that red just makes me itchy. 

So, call me unpatriotic, but I haven't had a good experience with the holiday yet, so I'll be hiding out and waiting till it's over. Y'all have fun with your danger fire. I'll be safe at home not getting arrested. 

:) 

1 in 45

The budget craziness is "finally over" to quote my (ex) superintendent. In an e-mail today we got our last budget update that the State finally made things final.
I skimmed most of it, no money blah blah, gonna be tight, blah blah... and skipped right to the staffing paragraph. To discover a sentence that made me want to jump out the window.

"we were able to rehire all but 45 of the 370 probationary teachers."

Are you serious? 45? Forty Effing Five!? Just one of 45. Makes me so mad. If there were more of us I think that would make it better. I can name 5 right now who didn't get rehired. So is he lying miscounting? Are they in the process of contacting those "all but 45?" I can't seriously be so unlucky that there are only 44 other people in my boat. I liked it much better when there was strength in numbers. 370. I can be one in 370. But one in 45? Seriously?

One step forward, two steps back.

Going to have to try really hard tomorrow not to give up.

:-/

Who wants to be a millionaire?

I DO!!! I love game shows. I love watching them and being smarter than the contestants. I love the idea of making a year's salary in 30 minutes.

I had a good food tracking day, so obviously I had a bad budget day. And on top of that my unemployment claim hasn't gone through yet and I was counting on that money. I'm having a money panic day. Which in combination with not being home all day kept me from doing anything productive in the job search area OR the clean my house area. So I am going to tell you my life long dream. You ready?

I desperately want to be on a game show someday. If not for just the money, but also the confirmation that I am a smart cookie. Now these days there are many game shows. There is even a whole network with game shows (GSN, fantastic channel). Each game show has its pros and cons.

• Wheel of Fortune - I am good with words, and I rock out Wheel when I watch at home. You can make some decent money. Wheel is up there on the wish list, and last year I applied (but heard nothing, story of my life these days). 
• Who wants to be a millionaire- this show is super easy once you get past the fastest finger. In fact, getting to the hot seat is the hardest part. Again, decent money so this one is up there on my list. 
• Cash Cab - Oh I love cash cab. Ben Bailey is awesome. Problem - you can't really apply/try to be on cash cab. It just sort of happens. So unless I go around stalking cabs and only getting in ones I think might be the cash cab, it's probably not going to happen. This also takes planning. It would SUCK to be in the cash cab alone. It would also be unfortunate to have some dead weight with you who think they get some of the money even though they were a moron and didn't help at all. The cash cab dream team is Me, Ashley, and Courtney. We balance out each other's knowledge base and would win major money. 
• 1 vs. 100 - I want to be on the old 1 v 100 with Bob Saget and the mob in the studio, not the new GSN version with Carrie Ann (who ALWAYS is in a dress 3 sizes too small) and the web cam mob. BOO! I would kick old 1 v 100 bootay. The problem with these studio shows is that the host/producers always want you to tell them a cute story as to how you know the answer to the questions. "Gosh Bob, when I was a kid I used to torture turtles I found, which is how I know the answer is B. Snapping Turtle." This is another advantage to cash cab- no cute story, you know it or not. Millionaire is the biggest offender of the tell me the story of how you know this. It's annoying. When I am on a game show, I'm gonna say, "I know this because I have a master's Biotches!" HAHA
• Are you smarter than a 5th grader? - Yes, I am. Now this show is last on my list because 1- they always screw over teachers. They are like Oh you are a teacher? well then here are the hardest questions of all time!!!!!!!! And 2 - the questions do not align to the state standards and what is taught in each grade level. 

You'll notice missing from my list are: shows that are about chance, not knowledge (i.e. deal or no deal), and jeopardy. I think jeopardy is way too pretentious. I wish that I had kids/a family to do like family game night (modern day double dare) or family feud - but then you are at the mercy of your weakest link, who would be beaten after the show. 

So, someday I will make a small fortune on a game show. Someday... 

:) 

Points or Paleo

I have long said the I can either be on a diet or a budget. It is very difficult to do both at the same time. Healthy food is expensive, and cheap food is bad for you. This is a fact, you can not argue with me on that.  However, I need to get in shape (read: lose like 30 pounds) for my bff's upcoming wedding (and general feel good about myself-ness) AND I need to spend as little money as possible, since I, ya know, don't have a job at the moment. Now I am a smart girl, and fairly organized, but keeping track of both diet and budget and balancing them both leaves me feel like I'm juggling too much. Yet, it must be done and so I am working on it.

So diet - most trainers I have talked to seem to think everyone should be on the Paleo diet. Basically it is "eating like a caveman" with no processed foods, heavy on lean protein and veggies. Problem is, Paleo is sooo restrictive. No legumes (which apparently includes green beans, my like go-to green 'veggie'), no nuts, no carbs, no dairy, limited fruit. I am italian, and I seriously can not go a week without pasta. It is not happening. I will cry. I am already an emotional basket case and you want me to give up carbs? People will die get hurt. It will not be pretty. I like green beans, I love peanuts and almonds and french fries and pizza. And no dairy? I'm a product of the "got milk?" generation. Milk = good. Yogurt = good. Cheese is just delicious. I can not give up dairy. Ask me to cut all this out and I will be very cranky and mean. Not a good fit for me.

Instead, I am trying to do weight watchers. I did it for a bit in college, and I have some friends who are really good about it, so I'm trying to track and do my best. It allows me to not feel all failure sauce when I need to have some mac and cheese. My trainer still thinks I should go full Paleo, but since I got fussed at this morning for having eggs with the yolk instead of just egg whites, I know I wouldn't be able to do it very long and so Weight Watchers it is! P.s. - on the budget side, I am not going to meetings/paying for it. Sorry WW, I just can't afford it, but thanks for the guidelines. :)

On the other side of the see-saw, Budget. I have suspended netflix (+15.00/month), and changed trainer plans at the gym (+50.00/month). I saved $15 at the grocery store today (coupons/store card) and bought 90% fresh fruits/veggies. I need to find some other places to save, and I am waiting for the State to approve my unemployment claim so I can get paid (fingers crossed!).  I have 7 hours at work this week which is way better than 2 last week. I'm trying. It's gonna be tight but I am trying and that's all I can do right now.

On the job front, nothing right now... Tomorrow is application day so I will get some more out tomorrow. And a job fair in July. Just wishing and hoping at this point.


Finally, in FUN news- Went to Austin for Miss Rachel's baby shower and it was fantastic! (Ok so I blew my diet, but we DID go to a CrossFit workout Saturday morning that kicked my butt). It was soo good to see her and I can't wait to meet the baby. We discussed the Paleo v. Weight Watchers debate and I got some further guidance about WW. Got to see Miss Heather & Jenny as well which was super fun. It is important to my mental health to get out and not wallow all the time. Then wedding dress shopping has been set for next week with Mere and I couldn't be more excited. (Ok I would be more excited if I lost 10 pounds by then, but hey). I have been watching some Say Yes to the Dress to prepare ;). I have had a lot of energy this week and I'm trying to take advantage of it before I crash and go back to hibernating.

Have a good week!
:)

How not to be homeless (kinda)

I knew it was coming. For the last 3 weeks or so I have stopped on the 4th to last step and peeked just over the landing to see if there was a slip of paper on my door. Every time there is nothing there I am relieved and make my way up the rest of the steps and home. But Tuesday, it was there. My renewal notice. The sheet of paper from the office that says, "hey so your lease is up like soon and we need to know if you are moving out or staying, and if you want to stay it will cost you X more money that it did last year. K Thanks."

I thought I had more time. I knew my lease was up the end of August, but I thought I had at least one more week to figure it out. They thoughtfully gave me 24 hours until the sixty day move out notification was due to give me this information. So kind. My rent went up only 5% (awesome, cuz I can TOTALLY afford that, not) IF I signed a 12 - 14 month lease. If I wanted to go month to month it would cost 150 more, PLUS an extra 100 dollar month to month fee, making it totally not an option at all. So my final option would be move out, and live at my parent's house. Which is sooo not happening.

List of things I would rather do than live at my parent's, where my dad will treat me like I am 12 and no one else is home to focus on.
-eat glass
-live in a van, down by the river
-have several root canals with no pain medication
-wear a sign that says "I am a failure"
-pretty much anything painful...


I, being a smart girl, came up with a compromise. I refuse to live at my parent's (see above). I cannot lock myself into a 12-14 month lease, as I have NO idea where I will end up once I finally do get a job. I figure it would almost cost more to move out than stay put, also I *HATE* moving. So really I just wanted to give myself some wiggle room to stay put and figure everything out. So I very sweetly convinced the office (Manager has lots of teacher friends and understands my situation) to allow me to sign a 6 month lease at the 5% increase (tried, nothing could be done about that) which gives me till January/February to figure something out.

It is going to be tight. Some things are going to have to go -(bye netflix... and other non necessary expenses). But I am almost positive that I can make 6 months work between my part time job, unemployment, and the rest of my paychecks. It's gonna get a bit dicey when I add in my car payment, but I'll save that dilemma for another day. For now, I should not be homeless until 2012. Which gives me some time to figure everything out. I hope.

So with that battle done, I am giving myself a much needed break and getting out of town for the weekend.

:)

the right thing to do

I know I shouldn't have, but I watched the movie "Freedom Writers" tonight on MTV. They are trying hard to cross promote the "Bad Teacher" movie (which p.s. I totally want to go see). I knew it would make me cry. The book made me cry two years ago. When I watched the movie before I started teaching it made me cry. So, here I am, trying not to cry.

How can you watch a movie/hear a story about kids who so desperately need good teachers, positive school experiences and then cut school funding by several BILLION dollars? How can you know that education is everything and then consider a bill to decrease teacher's salaries - those teachers who are left, and from what isn't exactly rolling in the dough to begin with. And with all of that, I still desperately want to teach. My mom asked me today if I would take my job back with a pay cut and I absolutely would. Without even thinking. When I got to my parent's today there was a letter from my old school. You would have thought it was on fire the way my mom was trying to figure out what it was. Nosey much? Anyway it is a recommendation letter from my assistant principal. This is good because well who doesn't need a recommendation letter, but bad because it means as of the letter's June 16th date I still didn't have my job back.

The way people (ok mostly my parents) are acting, you would think continuing to be in education is just totally out of the question for my life. WHY? I love it, I'm good at it, and it's important to me. WHY is it ridiculous to think that teaching is off the table? Education is important. Kids need me. I'm not done yet. To quote my new letter, "Sarah is a wonderful teacher who is willing to do what is best for her students." Damn right I am. Granted, my kids didn't live in inner city or deal with some of the freedom writer stuff, but they needed me. And I would like to say I made a difference. Proof? ok- besides the outpouring of love, the notes and cards and pictures, you just know.

Some of my favorites who keep me going when it gets hard:
My sometimes sweet 4th grader B. who had to grow up too fast. I read the Twilight series with her and gave her someone to talk about it with and she improved her reading 3 grade levels in a year. My favorite moments are a tie between the Twilight poem she made for me, and the time in the middle of New Moon when she came running up to me in TEARS because Edward left... and I reminded her that there were 2 more books after that and it would be ok, just keep reading. And she did.  I am still reading a YA series she introduced me to, and keep stalking the library for them to get the final book in so I can read it. (Alyson Noel, Immortals series. Totally read it. And if you get Everlasting before I do, I will fight you for it).
My 6th grader J. who was only in my class for about 8 weeks, because P.E. is more important than learning to read. Twice a week during lunch we hung out in my room learning words, reading books, and working so hard. After 14 schools by 6th grade just having a little consistency was such a life saver for him. Hopefully I will see him at the library since he promised me he would read 3 books this summer.
All my 8th grade j-babies. The used to be behavior problem who got to write and stayed out of ISS all year. The so proud to have my name in the paper who improved their grades all around. The iSupport project we did in broadcast, giving them a voice, making them feel heard. The failed state testing but hand wrote me a thank you card for always supporting her.  It may have looked like we played a lot, but again, to quote my AP's letter, I "...motivated [students] to become better thinkers and writers through her Journalism classes."

I know, I'm not as awesome as Ms. G of Freedom Writers. I didn't "save" all of my kids. But I saved enough of them. I made a difference. And when you ask me "what I want to do with my life" that's what I always think of first - I want to make a difference, to do something important. I am not done teaching. I don't want to be, and I refuse to be.

Sorry, long post. I just decided I'm not ready to be done. And I had to remember the kids that made a difference in my life, so I can keep making a difference in theirs.


:)

sickness

i feel sick. too sick to care about capitals apparently, so i apologize in advance. i've felt sick for almost 3 days now. i'm not sure what the problem is, but i know if i go to the doctor there will probably be nothing actually wrong except an extreme amount of stress and my complete inability to function as a stressed out person. really, the only class i ever did poorly in at college was stress management. i suck at it.

symptoms - chills/shaking, either too hot or too cold, severe stomach aches no matter what i eat or don't eat and no matter what i take. pain. everywhere. headaches, blinding pain located behind my eyeball, feeling like i am going to throw up pretty much at any moment. sleep all day, awake all night (actually, that's pretty typical for me). crying all the time. at anything. doctor? got any cures?

case in point - watched the justin bieber movie yesterday, cried at least 3 times. it kinda made me miss my middle schoolers like a lot.
i cried in target getting a baby shower gift - this one is actually more explainable. i put a lot of thought into gifts, i like to be a pro gift giver. i am pissed that i am financially unable to get as awesome a gift as i want to. what i want to get, i can't and i feel like what i ended up with is not good enough and really pisses me off. so i apologize in advance for my gift not being as good as i think you deserve, but it's the best i can do... :(

in other news, response to the blogging has been super positive, and i appreciate that. i check my old school email at least 4 times a day to see if anyone wants to give me my job back. no, i do not think this is crazy at all. It actually makes me feel slightly better that my email is still active. the day i can no longer log in is going to suck...

argh ok the stomach pain is getting worse, and it's almost 1 AM so i should probably try for sleep...since i get to go do father's day later today. hopefully once that hurdle is done with some of the pain will subside? fingers crossed. till then i totally feel like i want to die. joy.

(sorry for the randomness, i was hoping it would help me go to sleep).


:)

the monster

Today was a double whammy. First, I hit the gym. I am trying desperately to get in shape. This is hindered by my great amount of stress (makes me lazy, tight muscles, and eat poorly). However I have a trainer and he is fairly good. Most days I don't even hate him. Today was not one of those days. I learned that I am failing at my diet (ok well, duh but still!) and really have no idea what is "good" to eat anyway. Note- did you know green beans are not actually a vegetable!? They are legumes. Green beans are one of my favorite green thing to eat. mind blown. - My form/posture is terrible and my brain to muscle communication is totally screwy. I am physically unable to make my brain tell my muscles to do lunges, which is a fairly simple exercise. It's pretty funny to watch, as long as I don't fall over, which I do because apparently my balance is also shot. My trainer's brilliant observation? "You are so tense, are you stressed?" um yes, yes I am.

So after being put in my place at the gym, I got to go to my parent's house. To be put in my place in a very loud and yell-y sort of way. Have you ever tried to accomplish a task without a clear objective, rules that keep changing, and while being told  screamed at about how much of a failure you are? 4 hours later, my lip and self esteem completely annihilated I was released only after promising to come over sunday for father's day to be berated by the parent who was not home today. Bonus? I learned that not only is my master's irrelevant having gotten in 3 years ago, it was also a waste of money as it is useless. Ouch. Oh and that my dreams/wants/desires are void and I should just grab the first job that comes along so that I don't end up homeless. Because everyone should just take jobs they will hate just to have a job. Um no thanks.

So the positives of the day - I am currently drinking wine, I called HR and it appears my last pay check will be in August so crisis averted, and the book I put on hold at the library is ready.  And after spending the afternoon with my mother courtney offered to pay my rent for a year as an alternative to living with them ever, if necessary- which it totally won't be. fingers crossed...

Time to go to sleep, gym again early tomorrow morning and then a fun filled library day! I love library :)


:)

Frustration with failure sauce

‎"There are many trails up the mountain, but in time they all reach the top." - Anya Seton

Interesting quote in the TWLOHA facebook feed today. I have kept coming back to it throughout the day, thinking about its implications about faith, destiny, and life. There is the positive thought process - even if you don't know what you want to do right now, it's ok because you will reach your destiny anyway eventually.  And there is the negative approach- screw it, we all end up dead no matter which way you get there. I'm feeling defeated today, so negative it is...

This afternoon I filed for unemployment. It was a big sucky step. Mostly because I had decided 2 weeks ago when school first got out that I wouldn't do it. It seems like admitting defeat. It seems like it is for other people. People who aren't going to get their jobs back. People not me. I also took the time to finally put an end date for my teaching job on my resume. This too seems final. And much like failing. 

Deep down in the bottom of my heart I just KNEW that I would be called back and given a contract for next year. That all this budget nonsense had nothing to do with me, because it doesn't. I feel like I gave that up today. I am exactly as devastated about it today as I was in February when I got the first letter that they *may* not renew first year contracts, in March when they *did not* renew my contract, and in June when they finished staffing for next year and I packed my classroom into my car. Honestly, I just cried a little right now. I feel like now it is final. Also, I know nothing about unemployment except that there are many hoops to jump through, and there is some caveat somewhere about you can't collect if you are subbing, so I am holding off on submitting my subbing application until I get at least one check... grr. 

Why today? Well because today was pay day. And it occurs to me the this check, or the next one could very well be my last one. I actually have no idea. I will need to call HR tomorrow and figure this out, as the internet could not help me at all and I would kind of like to know at what point I will be unable to pay my rent. Also today was the official first day of summer (the season), and the end of the 2 weeks principals are still at school. So it's pretty much The End of the hope period. Time has run out. I also went to work my awesome 2 hours at my part time job (yes, it is hard to complain about being unemployed when you have a part time job, I know, shhh) and another teacher there said she was collecting unemployment. One of my reasons for not filing 2 weeks ago was I didn't think I could work part time and collect, but since I only got 2 hours this week apparently it matters not to the State. She said do it, and so I did. (I am easily convinced of things when the alternative is moving).

This whole thing, plus working my 2 hours, put me in a pretty snarky mood, and I was anxious until I was able to get to a computer and file. I was unable to do this right away because today was check up day and I had said I would go with miss Ashley to the doctor (long story, another day). Ashley and Courtney put up with my mood which was super nice of them, and Courtney and I actually had a pretty good time in the waiting room. They are currently BOTH kicking my butt in words with friends, but mostly because I don't have the brainpower to come up with good words. After finally filing for unemployment (the more times I say/type it, the less shocking it is) and putting an end date on my resume (ouch! still hurts) I used Ashley and then Courtney's computers to apply for 6 adjunct positions at Lone Star CC. So take that unemployment! I had to use their computers because 1- I have a mac and the Lone Star application refuses to work on safari, and 2- I tend to get frustrated about half way through and want desperately to stop unless someone is there watching me.

So, how's that for productive today? Do you think it will be enough to appease the parent monsters? I hope so because I have to see them tomorrow. And it might suck more than filing for unemployment...

*Dear Courtney, thank you in advance for coming with me tomorrow to provide a buffer so my mother does not tear me a new one. You rock!*

:) 

Hello!

Welcome to my blog. All the cool kids have one, and I have always wanted to be a cool kid; thus here I am. I'm sure you have some questions and so in this introductory post I will try to answer them.

1. Ok, so what is this blog all about.
Ah I am so glad you asked, dear reader. Simply put, it is about me- in the least self centered way possible. I am not: engaged, married, pregnant, a mother, a coupon queen, a chef, or a crafter. These seem to be what most blogs are about. However, I DO: craft occasionally, love to cook, use coupons, have friends who are some of the best mothers out there, love kids, secretly plan my wedding, and have attended a handful of weddings. So I do have knowledge on these topics. Once in awhile a post might be about one of these. But really, it's about life. My life, and figuring out "what I want to do with my life."

2. Um, Sarah, you are 27. Shouldn't you have figured out "what you want to do with your life" by now?
Yes, you would think so! I wish I had. But Life throws curve balls and I find myself a month into 27 trying to figure out what I am going to do about it. For the past 2 years I have been a teacher. I have loved (almost) every minute of it. I wish I could keep doing it. Life, the Powers that Be and the State Budget seem to think that is really funny thus I am spending the summer trying to find "the Perfect job."

3. Ok, so who are you anyway?
Today I am lost. Yesterday I was hopeful. Tomorrow I'm sure I will be something completely different. I am looking for direction. I am trying to find my way. I am a friend, a sister, a daughter, a learner, a lover, and many other adjectives.
I love:
trees
blue
cursive
wine & food
sleeping
reading
writing

I hate:
red
running
sans serif fonts
chocolate
mean people
moving
change/uncertainty


So, there you have it. Post number 1. Hopefully it gets better from here.
 :)