never apologize/ the X files

I am sorry friday night's post wasn't fleshed out. I was afraid to take it all the way (I was afraid of offending), I was really blogging to keep from thinking about something that had just happened, and I was trying not to be too long winded. I know it's incomplete. Fill in the blanks. Everyone knows a HH or two, so draw your own conclusions.

I was, in a round about way, trying to throw out there into the world some small indication that I just got out of a relationship, and it was my decision to end it. Why you ask? Cuz just like he does about once a year (and always at exactly the worst time ever) a ghost from my past decided to pop up. So briefly it seems silly to be blogging about it now. I'm not gonna lie, he has sent me reeling all weekend. I have a zillion and twenty things I want to say to him. But, just as quickly as he appeared, he is gone again, along with my window to say anything. Even though he said he would "talk to me tomorrow" it has now been 2 days since his message. Good thing I didn't hold my breathe...

Maybe in 2 more years I'll get a chance to have a meaningful conversation. Or maybe I will never get to say what is on my heart. Maybe it's better that way. BUT, just in case he found his way here, I wanted it known that I haven't spent the past year(s) he has been out of my life alone. That in the meantime, someone else loved me. That I am capable worthy of being loved. Maybe I wanted to remind myself too. 

I hate that after doing so well forgetting him, I've been totally consumed with thoughts of him all weekend (and hate that most of those thoughts are so angry!). So I'm writing this, and then I'm going back to forgetting. I have much more important things happening in my life right now. None of which he seems interested in hearing about. Which really speaks the most about his intentions. His ability to be a "friend". So just shake it off....

SO, my goals for this year:
-be the best second grade teacher I can be!

-write (and win) a grant. Need to start brainstorming grant ideas...

-find the perfect doctorate degree program, get accepted, and start. I want to be a Dr. :) Right now I'm leaning toward an Ed. D., maybe something in counseling? I am waiting to find the right program.

Now, time for bed. So I can wake up refreshed and renewed, and ready for the week ahead.

:)
Love you!

Week 1

Ok, not gonna lie. Teaching second grade is HARD! But I'm learning to love it and all its challenges. :)

And that's all I'm gonna say about school. Except this - I am so freaking tired!  OK. Moving on.


SO I've been thinking about this blog post for over a week now. I want to talk about "Helpless Housewives" (trademark- do not steal!!). These are the women who marry (mostly into money), don't work, and spend all their time running from hair to nail to gym appointments. Wow, what a hard life. Ok so part of me sort of envies them, what with their no responsibilities, and complete obliviousness to all things related to the real world (like, how much money is in their bank account, or say, what day of the month the electric bill is due, or for that matter, how much it usually is...).

But- I so totally value my independence and I refuse to give it up. Even if it means not getting married right this second like everybody else most people my age. *my close circle of friend would never be helpless housewives, and I am not talking about awesome people I am besties with. duh.* My parents just raised me to be a strong, independent dinosaur who can take care of herself. I'm smart, I'm employed (yea!!), and I can do this. Thank you very much. Please take your white knight complex elsewhere.

Which is why, even though it would totally have been the super easy way out, I refused to let my now ex save me. I wouldn't move in with him. I had to make it through this time on my own. Make my own way. Sometimes this past month I have regretted it. But then I know I wouldn't be teaching second grade, starting a whole new adventure, and know I can handle anything.  So yes, friends, I am single. And happy.  And a second grade teacher.

:)

Clean slate

Tomorrow is the first day of school. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I'm also excited. I think it's gonna be a good year. Watch out second grade, here I come. :)

In other news, today is bella's birthday!! I bought my pretty new car a year ago today. At just over 10,000 miles she's still amazing. Best decision ever.

Alright loves, I'm having a glass of clean slate to remind myself this is a brand new year. Now I just have to decide what to wear! :)

Happy new year!

Running out of time

I have installed the mobile blog app so i can post from my bed. Cuz man, do I love bed.

Day one of "real" back to school was exciting and exhausting.

I officially have no time for:
Tv
Eating
Laundry (like I did that anyway)
Blogging (we call this irony)
Anything Not on the official inservice schedule or not directly related to setting up my room

I spent this evening cutting coloring and glueing assorted signs for my room. I am exhausted and pretty sure every edge is crooked. My fingers still feel sticky from the glue stick. Someday I will be able to cut a strait line. Today is not that day.

And now my friends, it is time for sleep. I have much more to say, but like I said, no time to blog.

Yawn! :)

Sic 'Em

Tomorrow my little baby brother goes to college. He is Baylor bound, following in the footsteps of yours truly. This obviously make him smart. :) As I have to go back to work tomorrow, I find myself super jealous that he gets to go to college. I hope he takes advantage of the time. College rocks.

When I was in college I think I learned a lot. Most of all I learned that the many "fairies" that I thought did all sorts of chores do not actually exist! Now, as an adult, I find myself still wishing the fairies would show up.
The following fairies have let me down over the years....

• Dishes fairy, and her cousin, empty the dishwasher fairy
• Laundry fairies (the twins, wash AND fold)
• clean the floors fairy
• pay the bills fairy
• fill the car with gas fairy
• bathroom cleaning fairy
• job fairy
• make the bed fairy
• put things away fairy
• bank account full fairy

It's amazing all the things that have to be done when you are a grown up. :-P 

Anyway, I would do college again in an instant. But instead I have to go to work tomorrow. And then come home and do all the things the fairies were supposed to do. 

I made my brother take a picture with me in our line jerseys. (I was just thrilled my line jersey fit!)

9 years later, another fantastic decision! 

Sic 'em Bears!

:)

So far, so fast

This is my 30th post on this blog. Seems like a nice even number, so I thought I would commemorate. If I had done one a day, it would be a month's worth of posts. Since I didn't, it's about 2 months of posts (still not a bad average).

I am so far from where I started just 30 posts ago. At the beginning, I didn't have a job. I had all my teaching stuff piled in my parent's garage. I had filed for unemployment. I had a boyfriend (ok, that change was MY decision, but still.)

Today, I spent my second day trying to put together my classroom. A classroom I didn't even fathom having 2 months ago. I have a contract for the year, and I'm going to teach 2nd grade. Somehow.

I'm so thankful to have a classroom to move into. To get to keep teaching. To get to keep doing something I love despite all the turmoil in the field. To get my stuff out of the garage (cuz dude, it's like 200 degrees in there!). I really am, I promise. I know I'm supposed to teach.

I am going to miss teaching middle school. There is no way around that. I loved teaching journalism and I know I made a significant difference with my j-babies. I want to cry all the time mourning the loss of what I thought would be "the perfect job." I am trying to tell myself that that job from last year no longer exists, and I will never again have a group of j-babies that were so eager to learn and needed me so much. Sometimes you are just put with groups of kids for a reason, and I will never have a group like them again. But I miss them. A lot. I was confirmed again yesterday from an old student (daughter of a teacher at my new school, and former occupant of my current room, so she helped me arrange desks) that I really did make a difference for her, and she learned many IMPORTANT THINGS. She also was able to tell her mom that my favorite color is blue, not to share mascara, and about the inverted pyramid. :)

I am having a hard time being excited about 2nd grade. I'm such a perfectionist and I want to do things 'right', and right now I don't quite know what that looks like. Which makes me doubt myself, and panic, and worry, and be overwhelmed and cry. I just want to do a good job. I want to love this year. I want to feel confident that I am going to do the right things (and get to keep my job.....) Some of the "cutesy" things that my team mates are doing I roll my eyes at (I maintain a no glitter zone in my room). All my resource books are for grades 4-6. I feel wildly unprepared. I have no idea how on earth I am going to level and sort and label all my books for my classroom library by the end of the week.

Today I only got as far as putting up my calendar center, because math is my weakness so I wanted to get it out of the way. Also, the A/C wasn't quite kicked on in the building and it is so freaking hot (109 in my car on the way home) so I wanted something quick to finish and go home. Tomorrow and Thursday I have a workshop so I won't really get to work in my room. Then inservice week, meet the teacher night, and school.  It's almost here, so I am trying to get it together and get excited.

No Fear- :)

Money Bath

Saturday a friend tried to set me up with some dude. Dude immediately got off to a bad start by proclaiming that teachers are overpaid. Let's just say no sparks flew. (He later said that he was joking, but considering the audience it was still a very bad move.) I think I'll stick to internet dating...

I paid a bunch of bills today and checked out my Mint.com graph to see where all my money went. (P.s. I LOVE Mint.)

Not only am I NOT overpaid, I spent over $300 on school stuff already, and I haven't even done my big trip to the Mecca yet.

I still need:
Clipboards (can't find cheap ones)
An ABC line (my old one is in script, I think for 2nd grade they will prefer print).
A Number line (WTF Math?)

um... assorted things? I'm sure once I get to Lakeshore I will need 100 other things.

In other news, today I did very close to nothing.. except put together some birthday presents and re-paint my old passes. I feel all crafty!

Now I guess I'll go take a money bath, you know, since I'm so overpaid. :)

Cold with a chance of sore butt

It's workshop season! That magical time right before school starts where teachers spend all their time freezing to death in uncomfortable chairs trying to learn all the new wonderful ideas that we will TOTALLY use when school begins. Today our workshop was so cold some woman got her baby's blanket out of the car and wrapped herself in it. It's truly distracting when a grown woman is shivering under a fleece butterfly blanket. Also, I have never sat in a more uncomfortable chair.

This year, all my workshops are giving me panic attacks. Today's was very elementary school. Lots of clapping, and cuteness, and we were supposed to cheer at the lamest of jokes. I was not feeling very elementary today. I longed for a middle school workshop. Something on bullying, or high expectations, not phonemic awareness. Really, I think I'm just scared and so I'm throwing up walls. Fear rocks!

I was going to blog about something else, but my booty hurts and I'm just starting to get feeling back in my legs. Sorry for such a lame post. I just felt like I had to say something, it's been a few days.

:)