cuteness

So I have a quasi-serious question for my blog-friends. I have been on match for 5 months now, and no one wants to date me. I only have one more month of the 6 month guarantee -match executives think I should have found love by now. I have been on 2 dates and one "lets grab coffee and catch up" with someone I knew from high school (so I'm not sure it counts). I haven't been dating like I'm paying for a dating service...and now I feel very defeated. So now I have to ask.

What's wrong with me?
Am I not cute?

 I used to think I was a pretty cute girl. Not conventionally pretty, no one would mistake me for a model, but I thought I was moderately good looking. Now I used to be really skinny. I know that in the past few years I have put on some weight, but other than some squishy middle parts I don't think I'm horribly repulsive or anything. The boys I have dated were of average build. Not ripped like an abercrombie model, but without many squishy parts if you know what I mean. I know the boys I have dated had a certain bad boy look, but they were pretty cute. Not ugly or anything. I just don't understand. All the people on match who have been interested in me, are NOT CUTE. I'm not attracted to them. But they want me. There seems to be something about me that 200-300 lb men love. I've never been into the big and round look. I'm trying not to be mean and superficial, I know big kids need love too. And I'm not trying to throw stones, I know I'm not at my fighting weight. But seriously? The boys who I think are cute (based on profile pictures that let's be honest could be fake) always say "no thanks" or don't respond to me. Making me more confused about the situation. I just am not into guys I can't physically put my arms around to hug. So do I need to lose more weight to get the guys I want? Or is this what I'm stuck with. Am I really just not cute.
Help!

super glue

My life - and by that I mean my computer- is being held together with super glue. My power cord broke last night and I cried and cried. The internet search accomplished with the 8.5 minutes of battery my laptop could hang on to was less than helpful. Apple laughed in my face when I tried to find a replacement, seeing as my model is about 4 generations and somewhere around 7 or 8 years old.
BUT some dad magic and some super glue, and I am writing this from my couch. Wireless router is my new friend, and if the super glue holds (and the power cord doesn't short out and catch everything on fire) this new set up should be pretty good. Just in case, the back up power cord is being shipped and should be here in 5-7 days. I just am afraid the super glue isn't exactly designed to hold electronics and it makes me nervous how long it will actually last.
It just occured to me that "I broke my power cord trying to set up wireless internet and my apple is too old to replace it easily" may or may not be a white girl problem. Poor white girl problem maybe. :)

In other news, my bestie is getting married in 2 days and I have many Maid of Honor things (and regular person things) to accomplish tomorrow. I am super excited and a tiny bit nervous. I just want everything to be perfect. She deserves it. :) Also if someone could come do my laundry that would be fantastic.

Happy last night of Hanukkah, and love you all!

:)

Still not the blog

Still not the blog I warned of in the pre-blog. But entertaining none the less.

1. I watch Chelsea Lately almost nightly. I love Chelsea Handler. I support most things she does. She's a funny smart lady. Now last night she had Whitney Cummings as her guest. Whitney used to be on the CL show. She was a round table regular. A CH pal. And she is a funny lady in her own right. She is producing 2 broke girls- one of my favorite new shows, and her show Whitney is ok (I don't cry if I miss it, but it's watch-able).  So WC is on CL promoting Whitney, and man was she COCKY! Yes I understand this is your bestie and you can relax, but don't act like you're some huge big shot. You used to be ON that show. Chill girl.

2. I was on iTunes on my phone (bad call ALWAYS) at oh 11 pm or so, from my bed, and somehow this happened.

From the Disney show SO Random -  MC Grammar with "The gift of grammar."
Yep. This song (not video) is now in my iTunes library.
At 11pm I thought it was hilarious.
I had thoughts I would let my kids listen to it. "A teaching tool!" I thought.


yea. Feel free to mock me now. :)

no more kool aide

Day 60.
CAUTION- super crazy ahead. oh yea. you've been warned.

This has been a really rough week. Yes, it is only TUESDAY.  I forgot what this time of year was like in elementary. it's tough. I can't want for thanksgiving. mostly cuz I LOVE thanksgiving, it's my favorite. but we all need a break. apparently I need a break from my shift key.. I apologize but I'm too lazy to capitalize things. I'm waiting for my Word auto correct to take care of it for me, but it's not, cuz this isn't Word...so sorry.

I got news this week that my instructional coach at the middle school I used to be at where I used to work...
wait, no.  so this is how grammar crazy I am. even though I am not doing a super great job of capitalizing things, I totally just re-wrote that sentence. The sentence with nothing wrong you say? why yes.  "the middle school I used to be at," is not completely wrong, but my "where you at" aversion is soo strong, I HAD to go back and rewrite the sentence. I left the original so you could see. (I love the cross through feature). Yes, I'm a nut. And then, I told you about it. Like a crazy person. I need grammar AA.

anyway, moving on.

so my old instructional coach announced she is taking a position in another ISD as a promotion, and I emailed her telling her how excited I was for her.

Just a note.  when you get a promotion, and you announce it, and someone expresses to you that they are very happy/excited for you (when they didn't have to say anything) it is POLITE to RESPOND and say thank you. (cough cough asshat*cough). *remember like 4 posts ago when i said i was letting him go? yea i totally tried, but this is what happens when he comes back. i get emotionally wrecked, i try, i fail, sue me. I'm working on it. it's still common decency to respond. and not be an asshat.

ANYWAY, I spent quite some time carefully crafting my email, since i found out only because I'm accidently still on her group distribute list from last year and I didn't want her to know that. But i did profusely thank her for my amazing year last year. I hope she responds (like a decent human being, again, looking at you m asshat person.) cuz that would make me feel good.

In related news, when you read an email finding out someone's loved one has passed away it is POLITE to RESPOND, that you are sympathetic. it's called manners.  this is rude and bitchy and only in here since I am currently pms-ing hard core. Sorry.

I just got lost in my own train of thought and forgot where I was going. This has been happening to me a lot lately.


oh well.

so anyway, all the girls are wearing these adorable and totally covetable tutus to school. I am wicked jealous. there is no way my mom would have ever let me go to school in a tutu and tights, since tights are not pants, i don't care how old or young you are. I want to go back in time and wear one so bad. I was going to be a toddlers and tiaras pageant princess (ultimate grand supreme of course) for halloween, and bought a tutu, but I was sick with the mini flu (thanks flu mist vaccine!) and was in bed instead. missed my chance.

which brings me to my quote of the day.   coveting a 7 year old's outfit, I said, " I am tu-tu old to wear a tutu."  which was super funny to my class (and me). and prompted one friend to say, "39 isn't that old. you could wear one."   OUCH. Do I look 39? tomorrow is pajama day. I may wear a tutu instead.

good night moon.

p.s.  I don't have a tag for "super crazy" or "grammar nazi" (and I refuse to make one) so I'm filing this under White Girl Problems. enjoy.

*update*  my old instructional coach DID respond, since she is a good and kind person (STILL looking at you asshat.)
and yes, this post is disjointed. there was another paragraph at first but it involved school business so I took it off to you know, protect my job and all. so sorry. **

never apologize/ the X files

I am sorry friday night's post wasn't fleshed out. I was afraid to take it all the way (I was afraid of offending), I was really blogging to keep from thinking about something that had just happened, and I was trying not to be too long winded. I know it's incomplete. Fill in the blanks. Everyone knows a HH or two, so draw your own conclusions.

I was, in a round about way, trying to throw out there into the world some small indication that I just got out of a relationship, and it was my decision to end it. Why you ask? Cuz just like he does about once a year (and always at exactly the worst time ever) a ghost from my past decided to pop up. So briefly it seems silly to be blogging about it now. I'm not gonna lie, he has sent me reeling all weekend. I have a zillion and twenty things I want to say to him. But, just as quickly as he appeared, he is gone again, along with my window to say anything. Even though he said he would "talk to me tomorrow" it has now been 2 days since his message. Good thing I didn't hold my breathe...

Maybe in 2 more years I'll get a chance to have a meaningful conversation. Or maybe I will never get to say what is on my heart. Maybe it's better that way. BUT, just in case he found his way here, I wanted it known that I haven't spent the past year(s) he has been out of my life alone. That in the meantime, someone else loved me. That I am capable worthy of being loved. Maybe I wanted to remind myself too. 

I hate that after doing so well forgetting him, I've been totally consumed with thoughts of him all weekend (and hate that most of those thoughts are so angry!). So I'm writing this, and then I'm going back to forgetting. I have much more important things happening in my life right now. None of which he seems interested in hearing about. Which really speaks the most about his intentions. His ability to be a "friend". So just shake it off....

SO, my goals for this year:
-be the best second grade teacher I can be!

-write (and win) a grant. Need to start brainstorming grant ideas...

-find the perfect doctorate degree program, get accepted, and start. I want to be a Dr. :) Right now I'm leaning toward an Ed. D., maybe something in counseling? I am waiting to find the right program.

Now, time for bed. So I can wake up refreshed and renewed, and ready for the week ahead.

:)
Love you!

Too tired to sleep

It is 12:27am on Saturday night Sunday morning. And even though I spent $20 at spec's this evening, I am not even close to "drunk". I am such a lame butt I didn't even finish a whole glass of my concoction- making my total alcohol intake for the night somewhere between 0 and 0.5 oz. I bought some cotton candy flavored vodka, which in its defense smells amazing, but is sticky like real cotton candy, and I wasn't really in the mood I thought I was in to be able to drink it.

Anywho- I would love to be in bed right now (I know, totally lame) but my new neighbor who I have decided to hate seems to be in the mood I thought I was in, and is having a loud party. Not like so loud that I can hear the conversation, but loud enough that I can hear the music. I must get in and see how she has arranged her house, as it seems to be very conducive to annoying me, much more so than domestic violence couple.

My biggest dilemma(s) at the moment is(are) 1- WHY am I awake when I have taken an ambien and watched the J.K. Rowling movie?  2- is it wrong to file my unemployment claim at 12:33am when the window opened at 12:00. Should I wait at least till daylight hours? 3- will I EVER learn to apply sunscreen, as my shoulders and face are now burning on fire from spending the afternoon at the pool.

These, my friends, are "White Girl Problems" or WGPs. At least, that's the working definition. Taken from a grad school, um, 'friend'? whose blog I stalk. Her examples include: being a D cup (check), wine that is warm (and ice cubes are not classy), starbucks addictions, and small purse dogs needing anti-depressants (just like their owners).  My current WGP? sunglasses sunburn line. Sexy.

12:38, and at least How I Met Your Mother is on. I so love this show. It has quite a few WGPs. I noticed this evening how many times a character on the show is unemployed and living on someone's couch. A shocking amount for people who are supposed to be grown ups. This makes me feel better about my life.  And since doing SAT tutoring, I have noticed that many of the common SAT words are used in the show. Smart people, bad decisions, White girl problems. Love it.

12:41 and I think the music has gotten quieter. It may be safe to return to my bed. I have decided to wait until morning to file my claim, mostly because I have to math out my tutoring hours, and I have a feeling I will math it incorrectly at the moment. And my notes with my hours is in my purse.

Sorry for the random blog. Good thing I'm not drunk, or this would have been weird. ;)  I have a good one brewing, about advertising. Deep insights I promise. Or just stick around for more White Girl Problems. All the cool kids have them.

:)