Apparently pop rocks are cool again.
At least 3 people I know have mentioned pop rocks in their facebook posts this week.
-One posted a video of his small baby child eating them (which may or may not actually be safe...)
-One said she got pop rocks in a media kit
-One asked where to get pop rocks in her area
I may not be a social media powerhouse (yet) but I can recognize a trending topic. And this topic, is totally trending.
So, attention everyone! Pop rocks are totally the coolest thing ever right now. Get some!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Not happily ever after
Friends with benefits is hilarious. Super great movie, would totally watch again.
Except for the last 20 minutes. You know, when they inevitably fall in love and live happily ever after.
SOO not what happens in real life. Been there, done that, he is NOT in love with me. I am NOT living happily ever after. (According to last night's totally not planned stalking, he is all sorts of happily ever after. so that's awesome. as was being stared down at the gym by his skinnier than me ex-girlfriend this morning.)
Which really is just the theme of my day today - not happily ever after.
Also known as "everyone else is having a much better life than me" day.
I either need a hamburger, or to go to the gym.
Except for the last 20 minutes. You know, when they inevitably fall in love and live happily ever after.
SOO not what happens in real life. Been there, done that, he is NOT in love with me. I am NOT living happily ever after. (According to last night's totally not planned stalking, he is all sorts of happily ever after. so that's awesome. as was being stared down at the gym by his skinnier than me ex-girlfriend this morning.)
Which really is just the theme of my day today - not happily ever after.
Also known as "everyone else is having a much better life than me" day.
I either need a hamburger, or to go to the gym.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Quicky
I think my blog posts are too long. For this I am sorry. I don't do concise well. I have lots of thoughts, I feel I have to explain and give background. I will try to do better.
Today was a very panic attack-y day. Math is overwhelming, and not at all what I thought I had gotten myself into. I am scared to death I can't do this. Then, after math panic, I saw the English team from my old school at the library doing some planning and it was a very sad, outside looking in experience.
I did talk to my neighbor today, she's sweet, and may even be able to hook me up with my halloween costume.... but did agree to turn the vibrate off on her phone alarm. Apparently she often sleeps through her alarm, and I can't say I don't relate, cuz I do, but I don't want to hear the buzzing of HER alarm in MY room. So hopefully this can be resolved in a non-stabby manner.
Please remind me to re-address the following topics at a later, non panicy time:
-Switched at Birth -- interesting nature v. nurture discussion. also, no one is having sex (yet)! Yea ABC Family!
-My strange addiction - I have never looked at a cleaning product and thought, yum, food! Food is good. Cleaning stuff is not. Eating chalk/your couch/dryer sheets is gross.
-Ads part 2 - Sonic=good (ALWAYS funny) , Summer's Eve=bad (it's all about the V? double gross).
-Glitter. Is. Banned. In. My. Classroom. I don't care what grade I teach, no glitter. ever. Think Mommy Dearest and the wire hangers. Tell that woman on the target commercial (more back to school? make it stop!) not to tell people to buy glitter. Ditto on the rice station that was shown in the example video at my math workshop. There is no way on this planet I am letting small grains of anything loose in my room.
OK, maybe I don't need to circle back to these topics- unless the public demands it. My mind is full of stuff people. I need a place to put it, or I will anxiety myself into oblivion. Thanks for listening.
:)
Today was a very panic attack-y day. Math is overwhelming, and not at all what I thought I had gotten myself into. I am scared to death I can't do this. Then, after math panic, I saw the English team from my old school at the library doing some planning and it was a very sad, outside looking in experience.
I did talk to my neighbor today, she's sweet, and may even be able to hook me up with my halloween costume.... but did agree to turn the vibrate off on her phone alarm. Apparently she often sleeps through her alarm, and I can't say I don't relate, cuz I do, but I don't want to hear the buzzing of HER alarm in MY room. So hopefully this can be resolved in a non-stabby manner.
Please remind me to re-address the following topics at a later, non panicy time:
-Switched at Birth -- interesting nature v. nurture discussion. also, no one is having sex (yet)! Yea ABC Family!
-My strange addiction - I have never looked at a cleaning product and thought, yum, food! Food is good. Cleaning stuff is not. Eating chalk/your couch/dryer sheets is gross.
-Ads part 2 - Sonic=good (ALWAYS funny) , Summer's Eve=bad (it's all about the V? double gross).
-Glitter. Is. Banned. In. My. Classroom. I don't care what grade I teach, no glitter. ever. Think Mommy Dearest and the wire hangers. Tell that woman on the target commercial (more back to school? make it stop!) not to tell people to buy glitter. Ditto on the rice station that was shown in the example video at my math workshop. There is no way on this planet I am letting small grains of anything loose in my room.
OK, maybe I don't need to circle back to these topics- unless the public demands it. My mind is full of stuff people. I need a place to put it, or I will anxiety myself into oblivion. Thanks for listening.
:)
Sunday, July 24, 2011
TV time
Disclaimer- sometimes (ok, all the time) I think I sound like Jen Lancaster. I re-read Bitter is the new Black today and since then I have decided I am exactly as witty as Jen. True or not, reading this blog post requires a small amount of familiarity with Jen, or it may not be nearly as hilarious as I promise it actually is.
-----
TV is amazing. Even when there is nothing on, it's still pretty good. This weekend I did NOTHING (except get mildly sunburned and not at all drunk, see last night's post) and it was amazing. I don't think I have truly had a weekend "off" in quite a while. The first thing I did was clean out my DVR. DVR is the most fantastic accessory to TV, allowing things to be recorded to watch later. Yesterday I watched so much DVR, I forgot after while that it was recorded and I could fast forward through the commercials, until I was confused as to why I was watching commercials for valentine's day. (Yes, I was watching TV from February. I recall being very busy that month. This is what summer is for).
Which led me to thinking about commercials. I have a degree in Journalism, and have spent lots of time in advertising and marketing classes. My father is convinced my Master's is in marketing. (It's not.) I know some stuff about commercials. Please, allow me to share with you.
First of all, Old Navy, I am super disappointed that you are trying to sell school uniforms in July. Now I know that you know this is wrong, as the smirky mother in the commercial is sending her poor kids outside while singing about the fact that is it "only July." If it is "only July" (use of the modifier 'only' original ON content) then why on Earth are you selling back to school? Are parents supposed to push their well dressed kids out on the porch to wait for the bus for 3 weeks? Poor parenting never wins. Also, do not allow that child to bring that huge unicorn to school. Her teacher will hate you for it. Finally, your male child is a douche. Correct this immediately and do not let him "pop his collar" again.
Speaking of poor parenting, since when is Nutella part of a balanced breakfast? When I think good breakfast, I often think of putting chocolate on bread. What a good idea! Nutella has a whole website devoted to this cause. It does point out that the key to this plan is putting thechocolate hazelnut/coco spread on WHOLE GRAIN bread products, however, I see some flaws in this plan. Now I am not against Nutella. It's GOOD! I took French class, I know the appeal. I just don't see how putting basically chocolate peanut butter on toast is the best breakfast plan you can develop for your children. Unless you want them to crash around show and tell time. With that awful giant unicorn.
Since we are talking about poor decisions, Dear Nick Lachey...Are you A) a glutton for punishment B) suffering from retrograde amnesia or C) stupidest former pop "star" ever? What part of "I'll put my second wedding on TV" seemed like a good idea to you? Did you FORGET how poorly putting your wedding on TV turned out the first time? Do you expect different results, now that you are soo not relevant to pop culture? You are lucky TLC is actually the wedding channel, or no one would consider putting wedding number 2 on air. What do you hope to gain from this adventure? Neither you nor whoever you are marrying is important enough to warrant air time, so how is this different than any other "say yes to the dress" episode? Please crawl back under whatever rock you were hiding under, as no one needs to see your second train wreck.
I'm sure there is more, but tonight is technically a school night, as I have a workshop to attend tomorrow and Tuesday. I will be learning how to teach math. From what I can tell from scanning the 12 volume textbook, it somehow involves lots and lots of counting pockets. Like the kind in your pants. Hopefully this will become much clearer tomorrow. In the meantime, there are at least 3 more weeks of summer, so stay away from stores trying to push back to school on you and go pick up some mini-wheats (Full and focused!).
-----
TV is amazing. Even when there is nothing on, it's still pretty good. This weekend I did NOTHING (except get mildly sunburned and not at all drunk, see last night's post) and it was amazing. I don't think I have truly had a weekend "off" in quite a while. The first thing I did was clean out my DVR. DVR is the most fantastic accessory to TV, allowing things to be recorded to watch later. Yesterday I watched so much DVR, I forgot after while that it was recorded and I could fast forward through the commercials, until I was confused as to why I was watching commercials for valentine's day. (Yes, I was watching TV from February. I recall being very busy that month. This is what summer is for).
Which led me to thinking about commercials. I have a degree in Journalism, and have spent lots of time in advertising and marketing classes. My father is convinced my Master's is in marketing. (It's not.) I know some stuff about commercials. Please, allow me to share with you.
First of all, Old Navy, I am super disappointed that you are trying to sell school uniforms in July. Now I know that you know this is wrong, as the smirky mother in the commercial is sending her poor kids outside while singing about the fact that is it "only July." If it is "only July" (use of the modifier 'only' original ON content) then why on Earth are you selling back to school? Are parents supposed to push their well dressed kids out on the porch to wait for the bus for 3 weeks? Poor parenting never wins. Also, do not allow that child to bring that huge unicorn to school. Her teacher will hate you for it. Finally, your male child is a douche. Correct this immediately and do not let him "pop his collar" again.
Speaking of poor parenting, since when is Nutella part of a balanced breakfast? When I think good breakfast, I often think of putting chocolate on bread. What a good idea! Nutella has a whole website devoted to this cause. It does point out that the key to this plan is putting the
Since we are talking about poor decisions, Dear Nick Lachey...Are you A) a glutton for punishment B) suffering from retrograde amnesia or C) stupidest former pop "star" ever? What part of "I'll put my second wedding on TV" seemed like a good idea to you? Did you FORGET how poorly putting your wedding on TV turned out the first time? Do you expect different results, now that you are soo not relevant to pop culture? You are lucky TLC is actually the wedding channel, or no one would consider putting wedding number 2 on air. What do you hope to gain from this adventure? Neither you nor whoever you are marrying is important enough to warrant air time, so how is this different than any other "say yes to the dress" episode? Please crawl back under whatever rock you were hiding under, as no one needs to see your second train wreck.
I'm sure there is more, but tonight is technically a school night, as I have a workshop to attend tomorrow and Tuesday. I will be learning how to teach math. From what I can tell from scanning the 12 volume textbook, it somehow involves lots and lots of counting pockets. Like the kind in your pants. Hopefully this will become much clearer tomorrow. In the meantime, there are at least 3 more weeks of summer, so stay away from stores trying to push back to school on you and go pick up some mini-wheats (Full and focused!).
Too tired to sleep
It is 12:27am on Saturday night Sunday morning. And even though I spent $20 at spec's this evening, I am not even close to "drunk". I am such a lame butt I didn't even finish a whole glass of my concoction- making my total alcohol intake for the night somewhere between 0 and 0.5 oz. I bought some cotton candy flavored vodka, which in its defense smells amazing, but is sticky like real cotton candy, and I wasn't really in the mood I thought I was in to be able to drink it.
Anywho- I would love to be in bed right now (I know, totally lame) but my new neighbor who I have decided to hate seems to be in the mood I thought I was in, and is having a loud party. Not like so loud that I can hear the conversation, but loud enough that I can hear the music. I must get in and see how she has arranged her house, as it seems to be very conducive to annoying me, much more so than domestic violence couple.
My biggest dilemma(s) at the moment is(are) 1- WHY am I awake when I have taken an ambien and watched the J.K. Rowling movie? 2- is it wrong to file my unemployment claim at 12:33am when the window opened at 12:00. Should I wait at least till daylight hours? 3- will I EVER learn to apply sunscreen, as my shoulders and face are now burning on fire from spending the afternoon at the pool.
These, my friends, are "White Girl Problems" or WGPs. At least, that's the working definition. Taken from a grad school, um, 'friend'? whose blog I stalk. Her examples include: being a D cup (check), wine that is warm (and ice cubes are not classy), starbucks addictions, and small purse dogs needing anti-depressants (just like their owners). My current WGP? sunglasses sunburn line. Sexy.
12:38, and at least How I Met Your Mother is on. I so love this show. It has quite a few WGPs. I noticed this evening how many times a character on the show is unemployed and living on someone's couch. A shocking amount for people who are supposed to be grown ups. This makes me feel better about my life. And since doing SAT tutoring, I have noticed that many of the common SAT words are used in the show. Smart people, bad decisions, White girl problems. Love it.
12:41 and I think the music has gotten quieter. It may be safe to return to my bed. I have decided to wait until morning to file my claim, mostly because I have to math out my tutoring hours, and I have a feeling I will math it incorrectly at the moment. And my notes with my hours is in my purse.
Sorry for the random blog. Good thing I'm not drunk, or this would have been weird. ;) I have a good one brewing, about advertising. Deep insights I promise. Or just stick around for more White Girl Problems. All the cool kids have them.
:)
Anywho- I would love to be in bed right now (I know, totally lame) but my new neighbor who I have decided to hate seems to be in the mood I thought I was in, and is having a loud party. Not like so loud that I can hear the conversation, but loud enough that I can hear the music. I must get in and see how she has arranged her house, as it seems to be very conducive to annoying me, much more so than domestic violence couple.
My biggest dilemma(s) at the moment is(are) 1- WHY am I awake when I have taken an ambien and watched the J.K. Rowling movie? 2- is it wrong to file my unemployment claim at 12:33am when the window opened at 12:00. Should I wait at least till daylight hours? 3- will I EVER learn to apply sunscreen, as my shoulders and face are now burning on fire from spending the afternoon at the pool.
These, my friends, are "White Girl Problems" or WGPs. At least, that's the working definition. Taken from a grad school, um, 'friend'? whose blog I stalk. Her examples include: being a D cup (check), wine that is warm (and ice cubes are not classy), starbucks addictions, and small purse dogs needing anti-depressants (just like their owners). My current WGP? sunglasses sunburn line. Sexy.
12:38, and at least How I Met Your Mother is on. I so love this show. It has quite a few WGPs. I noticed this evening how many times a character on the show is unemployed and living on someone's couch. A shocking amount for people who are supposed to be grown ups. This makes me feel better about my life. And since doing SAT tutoring, I have noticed that many of the common SAT words are used in the show. Smart people, bad decisions, White girl problems. Love it.
12:41 and I think the music has gotten quieter. It may be safe to return to my bed. I have decided to wait until morning to file my claim, mostly because I have to math out my tutoring hours, and I have a feeling I will math it incorrectly at the moment. And my notes with my hours is in my purse.
Sorry for the random blog. Good thing I'm not drunk, or this would have been weird. ;) I have a good one brewing, about advertising. Deep insights I promise. Or just stick around for more White Girl Problems. All the cool kids have them.
:)
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Why Pinterest is evil
At some point this summer everyone started playing on Pinterest. I learned about it from Rachel, but I feel I am not properly utilizing the um, service?
See, 89% (approximation) of the "pins" on Pinterest are directly related to weddings, babies/children, or home decor. Photography ideas for babies, weddings, engagements, family photos. Craft ideas for babies, homes, weddings. Wedding cakes, favors, bridesmaid dresses, etc. Ideas to decorate staircases, kitchens, nurseries, hallways, etc. Birthday party ideas for children. Basically, a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with me.
The rest of the pins are cute/funny sayings, teacher stuff, or recipes, which I can actually use- you know in an alternate universe where I have unlimited time and money.
Pinterest is evil because it makes me want to make things I won't. It makes things I thought were totally unique, totally common. It makes me hungry! It makes me insecure that I have not already planned my wedding and pinned my dress, bridesmaid dresses, and flower arrangements. Good thing I am not anywhere close to getting married, I can work on that one! Not even going to touch the abundance of baby related pins, focus on wedding first.
I am definitely letting Pinterest suck up many hours of my life, but in return it has led me to a few super adorable teacher ideas, which will be super handy now that I am going back into the world of very small children and cute things. (Middle schoolers care very little about cute things, and mock them whenever possible.)
So tonight, I made my first Pinterest inspired project!
Here is the original idea. Smarty pants for the classroom. Positive behavior management. And just stinkin' cute!
The link says she filled them with Smarties candy, but since the State/School district have VERY strict no candy rules that I don't even want to mess with, I am probably filling mine with free homework coupons, stickers, front of the line passes, and other such non-edible rewards.
I got this pair of 4T girls jeans on CLEARANCE at Target when I was stocking up on the dollar spot teacher stuff. These pants cost me $4.00. I sewed them shut right above the hem, since it was already so nice. (Sorry for the upside-down picture, Blogger won't let me turn it.)
They came with the 3 pink buttons sewed on. I didn't want them to look too "girly" so I raided my Mom's sewing room and her extra button jar. Add some hot glue gun action, and now they look like this:
SOOO super cute! If I do say so myself.... not AS overwhelmingly pink, and very colorful. Blue toddler hanger (also from Mom's stash) as my new school's colors are Royal Blue and Gold. I am printing off the smarty pants clip art and will mount on scrapbook paper, attach to the hanger and project is done.
Not half bad! I plan on stuffing the legs with batting so that the children don't have to reach very far down into the legs for their prizes. And the bottom rows of buttons cover my not as straight as could be stitching.
Now I would feel like a smarty pants myself, if I hadn't spent at least 20 hours on Pinterest in the past week. I can call it school research though, right?
Happy Pinning and crafting!
:)
See, 89% (approximation) of the "pins" on Pinterest are directly related to weddings, babies/children, or home decor. Photography ideas for babies, weddings, engagements, family photos. Craft ideas for babies, homes, weddings. Wedding cakes, favors, bridesmaid dresses, etc. Ideas to decorate staircases, kitchens, nurseries, hallways, etc. Birthday party ideas for children. Basically, a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with me.
The rest of the pins are cute/funny sayings, teacher stuff, or recipes, which I can actually use- you know in an alternate universe where I have unlimited time and money.
Pinterest is evil because it makes me want to make things I won't. It makes things I thought were totally unique, totally common. It makes me hungry! It makes me insecure that I have not already planned my wedding and pinned my dress, bridesmaid dresses, and flower arrangements. Good thing I am not anywhere close to getting married, I can work on that one! Not even going to touch the abundance of baby related pins, focus on wedding first.
I am definitely letting Pinterest suck up many hours of my life, but in return it has led me to a few super adorable teacher ideas, which will be super handy now that I am going back into the world of very small children and cute things. (Middle schoolers care very little about cute things, and mock them whenever possible.)
So tonight, I made my first Pinterest inspired project!
Here is the original idea. Smarty pants for the classroom. Positive behavior management. And just stinkin' cute!
The link says she filled them with Smarties candy, but since the State/School district have VERY strict no candy rules that I don't even want to mess with, I am probably filling mine with free homework coupons, stickers, front of the line passes, and other such non-edible rewards.
I got this pair of 4T girls jeans on CLEARANCE at Target when I was stocking up on the dollar spot teacher stuff. These pants cost me $4.00. I sewed them shut right above the hem, since it was already so nice. (Sorry for the upside-down picture, Blogger won't let me turn it.)
They came with the 3 pink buttons sewed on. I didn't want them to look too "girly" so I raided my Mom's sewing room and her extra button jar. Add some hot glue gun action, and now they look like this:
SOOO super cute! If I do say so myself.... not AS overwhelmingly pink, and very colorful. Blue toddler hanger (also from Mom's stash) as my new school's colors are Royal Blue and Gold. I am printing off the smarty pants clip art and will mount on scrapbook paper, attach to the hanger and project is done.
Not half bad! I plan on stuffing the legs with batting so that the children don't have to reach very far down into the legs for their prizes. And the bottom rows of buttons cover my not as straight as could be stitching.
Now I would feel like a smarty pants myself, if I hadn't spent at least 20 hours on Pinterest in the past week. I can call it school research though, right?
Happy Pinning and crafting!
:)
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Faith part 2
This morning AD and I went to Temple. It was our second attempt to go to this congregation, and I liked it a lot better this time. I will admit I was totally weepy the whole time. From the first song (one of my favorites) I was tearing up. I couldn't even sing (which is probably a blessing for everyone within earshot). I spent the majority of the service thinking about Baby James, praying for peace for him and his family. It was especially hard not to think of him when the cutest, sweetest little boy ended up sitting in front of us. He smiled at me often and looked like how I imagine James would look if he had gotten to be a bit older. The past few days my heart has been breaking for the Sikes family, and I don't even know how to finish this sentence. They have been on my mind and heart, and I was devastated this afternoon when I learned that James made his way to heaven today.
The sermon today was about being in 'the wilderness' and how He blesses us. It was very good. Powerful. Fitting. Thought provoking.
Today I realized:
I take on a lot. I very rarely have peace about anything. The anxiety monster keeps my head spinning and analyzing long after decisions (should) have been made. I amscared beyond all reason nervous about this upcoming school year. I am sad that my first year of teaching served to instill a constant sense of fear and insecurity in me about my ability. I felt like such a bad teacher today when the children came back from their classes in the middle of the sermon, making a huge disruption, and I was irritated. But it is OK to not be in love with every child at every moment in every situation (I think).
I need to stop being afraid. I need to remember to trust. So that's what I asked for today- a year without fear. To start this year- at this school -with this class -unafraid. Not worrying about what will happen at contract time. To be in the moment as it happens and not worry about everything. To love every moment for what it is, without being bogged down in fear. I will probably need help. And reminders. But I think the fear and self doubt is my worst enemy, and without them I can surely succeed.
Sorry for the heaviness. A much more lighthearted post tomorrow, I promise.
:)
The sermon today was about being in 'the wilderness' and how He blesses us. It was very good. Powerful. Fitting. Thought provoking.
Today I realized:
I take on a lot. I very rarely have peace about anything. The anxiety monster keeps my head spinning and analyzing long after decisions (should) have been made. I am
I need to stop being afraid. I need to remember to trust. So that's what I asked for today- a year without fear. To start this year- at this school -with this class -unafraid. Not worrying about what will happen at contract time. To be in the moment as it happens and not worry about everything. To love every moment for what it is, without being bogged down in fear. I will probably need help. And reminders. But I think the fear and self doubt is my worst enemy, and without them I can surely succeed.
Sorry for the heaviness. A much more lighthearted post tomorrow, I promise.
:)
Friday, July 15, 2011
gym fail
X is gunning for a big fat face punch. This morning I got to the gym 10 minutes before my appointment to warm up. An appointment I told him when we made it that it was too early, but he was booked later in the day and I had other obligations this afternoon. It was hard for me to get out of bed, and all I wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep. The fact that I got up, dressed, and out the door was an accomplishment in itself. And what greets me at the gym? X, "I'm disappointed that you are 5 minutes late. You are supposed to be here with enough time for a 15 minute warm up." Excuse me? You're gonna bitch at me for 5 minutes? I'm here. Which I explained to him, that my goal was to get to the gym. Period. His response? "My goal is to give you a good work out. Don't you care about my goal?" Um no, I don't. You get paid either way. You are here either way. Back on off my butt.
After a fairly OK workout, meaning I didn't complain too much or give up in the middle of the torture, I got a lecture.
From a 20 year old.
About my diet.
Which we already disagree about, as X thinks I should be paleo, and I am doing weight watchers so that I don't kill people. (See "points v. paleo" post from June.)
I don't need a lecture from a 20 year old boy about how he is disappointed that I'm not trying. Especially when said lecture included criticism about my high stress level (which I have zero control over- I've tried), my love of naps, my love of carbs, and how HE thinks I'm depressed. Oh good, tell the girl who just stopped medicating you think she's depressed. Where is your medical degree? Oh you don't have one because you go to community college and live with your parents. When I was 20 I was skinny too, cuz my life was easy(er), my metabolism rocked, and not much stressed me. I hadn't been unemployed twice. I hadn't changed schools and grades 3 times in 3 years (insecurity level= off the charts). I stopped taking the antidepressants because they made me fat. I'm not going back on. Even if I am stressed out of my mind (yes, still.)
And after this lovely lecture, he weighed me, because he is evil, and in the 2 months I've been going to the gym and making better food choices, I have GAINED weight. And body fat %. How is that even possible? Go to gym and GAIN weight? Only me. Only because my body hates me. I am so de-motivated, and telling me you're disappointed doesn't make me want to work harder. I'm not doing this for you. Get out of my face or get punched in yours.
I would switch trainers, as X is bent on treating me like a 5 year old, but I already switched trainers once. Switching twice in 2 months makes me look bad (I am guessing), which I HATE. Like I'm not insecure enough I have to burn through trainers. Which obviously makes it a "me" problem, not a trainer problem. Since I'm obviously a gym failure the last thing I want to do is switch trainers again and prove it.
Somehow I am going to have to gather enough balls to have a come to Jesus meeting with X on Tuesday. Or tell my body to stop holding on to fat, as being stressed is a way of life for me for the foreseeable future.
Conclusion- My body hates me. I just want to be one of those naturally skinny people. I want my body/brain to deal with stress better. And I want 20 year old trainers to back off. The gym should make you feel good, not bad. Where are all these endorphins I always hear about?
:)
After a fairly OK workout, meaning I didn't complain too much or give up in the middle of the torture, I got a lecture.
From a 20 year old.
About my diet.
Which we already disagree about, as X thinks I should be paleo, and I am doing weight watchers so that I don't kill people. (See "points v. paleo" post from June.)
I don't need a lecture from a 20 year old boy about how he is disappointed that I'm not trying. Especially when said lecture included criticism about my high stress level (which I have zero control over- I've tried), my love of naps, my love of carbs, and how HE thinks I'm depressed. Oh good, tell the girl who just stopped medicating you think she's depressed. Where is your medical degree? Oh you don't have one because you go to community college and live with your parents. When I was 20 I was skinny too, cuz my life was easy(er), my metabolism rocked, and not much stressed me. I hadn't been unemployed twice. I hadn't changed schools and grades 3 times in 3 years (insecurity level= off the charts). I stopped taking the antidepressants because they made me fat. I'm not going back on. Even if I am stressed out of my mind (yes, still.)
And after this lovely lecture, he weighed me, because he is evil, and in the 2 months I've been going to the gym and making better food choices, I have GAINED weight. And body fat %. How is that even possible? Go to gym and GAIN weight? Only me. Only because my body hates me. I am so de-motivated, and telling me you're disappointed doesn't make me want to work harder. I'm not doing this for you. Get out of my face or get punched in yours.
I would switch trainers, as X is bent on treating me like a 5 year old, but I already switched trainers once. Switching twice in 2 months makes me look bad (I am guessing), which I HATE. Like I'm not insecure enough I have to burn through trainers. Which obviously makes it a "me" problem, not a trainer problem. Since I'm obviously a gym failure the last thing I want to do is switch trainers again and prove it.
Somehow I am going to have to gather enough balls to have a come to Jesus meeting with X on Tuesday. Or tell my body to stop holding on to fat, as being stressed is a way of life for me for the foreseeable future.
Conclusion- My body hates me. I just want to be one of those naturally skinny people. I want my body/brain to deal with stress better. And I want 20 year old trainers to back off. The gym should make you feel good, not bad. Where are all these endorphins I always hear about?
:)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Thankfulness & Faith
It's easy to complain. It was easy these past few months to be overtaken by the disappointments and hardness of the situations I found myself in. It is easy for anyone to get caught up in their own junk and be sad/mad/frustrated/whatever. My small source of strength during this time was/is the now super popular saying "keep calm and carry on." Similar to "don't sweat the small stuff," this phrase was to remind me to just keep going. Because life is hard and you just have to step up. I am not going to discuss my faith, mostly because I am still figuring it out. But I did put a lot of trust in "Keep calm and carry on" because I needed to trust and have faith that things were going to work out. Now I need to have faith that where I ended up is the right place for me.
During this time, it would have been really easy to go all woe is me and I tried really hard not to. There are other people out there who have it way worse than me. There are people I know who still don't have jobs. There are people I know and love who are suffering much greater challenges, with much more grace than I ever could. I think it is important to remember and recognize that. As my Uncle likes to say, "times are tough all over." (Yes, I know he stole it from somewhere else, but I'm on a roll and refuse to look for a citation.) Sometimes it is the struggles of others that make you thankful for what you have.
Today I am thankful that this time was quick for me. It could have stretched on for a long time, and I was preparing for it to. I am thankful that I didn't have to sacrifice more than I did. I am thankful that this situation made me realize just how badly I want to teach. And if that means 2nd grade for awhile, then thats where I'll be.
So where is this coming from you might ask? A certain story I saw today that is more connected to me than I first realized. My friend HD (who awesomely follows my blog) posted a link on her facebook today to the story of baby James. Now I am warning you, you will most likely cry your eyes out when you read it. I did. Seems innocent enough- sad story passed along by a friend, these things happen on the internet all the time. In fact, most of the comments on the blog start out, "you don't know me but....(hopeful message)." Which is great, because this family is truly going through a terrible time. 3 weeks ago everything was fine, and now tragedy. They need love and support. To feel connected and that they are not alone. The internet is great for these things.
As I was reading I realized 2 things. #1- My friend Mallory (whose blog I follow and is a sorority sister) posted about baby james almost 2 weeks ago. I didn't pay much attention to it then, but it also didn't have the blog link. I thought oh, that's sad, and moved on worrying about my own life (selfish selfish!!). Which led me to realization #2 - Mallory knows James' parents personally, because they went to Baylor. When I started reading the blog I realized I have probably met them as well. Apparently we were all in Oxford together the same summer for study abroad. Now I feel terrible that I cannot for the life of me remember them. But it was 6 years ago, and I did hang with my own small group. But really the whole group was not that big and I feel like I should remember them (however, I am terrible about remembering people...). It's crazy when something comes right back around to being more personal that you thought it was. I've eaten meals with these people; been on planes and trains with them. Their story could happen to me, my friends, anyone.
The point is this: it's a small world. We are all connected and everyone is going through something. So be kind to others and be grateful for what you have. Have faith in something bigger than yourself. Hold on to those you love. Be thankful.
:)
During this time, it would have been really easy to go all woe is me and I tried really hard not to. There are other people out there who have it way worse than me. There are people I know who still don't have jobs. There are people I know and love who are suffering much greater challenges, with much more grace than I ever could. I think it is important to remember and recognize that. As my Uncle likes to say, "times are tough all over." (Yes, I know he stole it from somewhere else, but I'm on a roll and refuse to look for a citation.) Sometimes it is the struggles of others that make you thankful for what you have.
Today I am thankful that this time was quick for me. It could have stretched on for a long time, and I was preparing for it to. I am thankful that I didn't have to sacrifice more than I did. I am thankful that this situation made me realize just how badly I want to teach. And if that means 2nd grade for awhile, then thats where I'll be.
So where is this coming from you might ask? A certain story I saw today that is more connected to me than I first realized. My friend HD (who awesomely follows my blog) posted a link on her facebook today to the story of baby James. Now I am warning you, you will most likely cry your eyes out when you read it. I did. Seems innocent enough- sad story passed along by a friend, these things happen on the internet all the time. In fact, most of the comments on the blog start out, "you don't know me but....(hopeful message)." Which is great, because this family is truly going through a terrible time. 3 weeks ago everything was fine, and now tragedy. They need love and support. To feel connected and that they are not alone. The internet is great for these things.
As I was reading I realized 2 things. #1- My friend Mallory (whose blog I follow and is a sorority sister) posted about baby james almost 2 weeks ago. I didn't pay much attention to it then, but it also didn't have the blog link. I thought oh, that's sad, and moved on worrying about my own life (selfish selfish!!). Which led me to realization #2 - Mallory knows James' parents personally, because they went to Baylor. When I started reading the blog I realized I have probably met them as well. Apparently we were all in Oxford together the same summer for study abroad. Now I feel terrible that I cannot for the life of me remember them. But it was 6 years ago, and I did hang with my own small group. But really the whole group was not that big and I feel like I should remember them (however, I am terrible about remembering people...). It's crazy when something comes right back around to being more personal that you thought it was. I've eaten meals with these people; been on planes and trains with them. Their story could happen to me, my friends, anyone.
The point is this: it's a small world. We are all connected and everyone is going through something. So be kind to others and be grateful for what you have. Have faith in something bigger than yourself. Hold on to those you love. Be thankful.
:)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Mission Accomplished. (now what?)
Signed my contract today!!!! Officially re-employed and going to be teaching 2nd grade. Guess I'm one of the 325, not 45 after all. :)
2nd grade. Scary. And a huge change since I have never taught self-contained. My favorite part of middle school was that after 55 minutes, you got whole new kids. I really have to change my whole thinking for 2nd grade. And they are so little! Huge pro- no state testing in 2nd grade. So even though I will have the same kids all day long, there is no state test to stress about. Just their reading scores. And I can teach some reading. And I have a 2 day workshop at the end of the month for Foundations of Math, so that my class isn't nearly as math inept as their teacher. :)
In related news, the teacher stuff is out at the target dollar section. Watch out, there is some good stuff this year. And if my mom asks, I totally didn't buy anything. I have my Walmart list put together too (clipboards!), but it will be a few more weeks before their school stuff goes on mega sale.
So, few wrap up questions... how long can I continue to collect unemployment? How long do I have to continue to work my part time job? And now what do I stress about, besides how to teach 2nd grade which I'm super nervous about, not gonna lie. It feels good to have a plan for next year, maybe now I can enjoy what is left of my summer. But really there is still a lot that is going to be difficult about this year. Total honesty- my biggest hurdle is going to be not stressing about getting my contract renewed. If I can just keep focused on the task at hand and stay positive then I think I'll be ok.
OH! I almost forgot the other big news; the reason why staying calm is going to be a challenge. I am officially off anti-depressants. I sort of stopped taking them because I didn't have any refills and didn't think I could afford to go to my Dr. And now that I'm off I don't really want to go back on unless I have like a total breakdown halfway through the year. So we will see how that goes.
I think that's all in the big news category. Hopefully everything works out and 2nd grade is where I'm supposed to be.
:)
2nd grade. Scary. And a huge change since I have never taught self-contained. My favorite part of middle school was that after 55 minutes, you got whole new kids. I really have to change my whole thinking for 2nd grade. And they are so little! Huge pro- no state testing in 2nd grade. So even though I will have the same kids all day long, there is no state test to stress about. Just their reading scores. And I can teach some reading. And I have a 2 day workshop at the end of the month for Foundations of Math, so that my class isn't nearly as math inept as their teacher. :)
In related news, the teacher stuff is out at the target dollar section. Watch out, there is some good stuff this year. And if my mom asks, I totally didn't buy anything. I have my Walmart list put together too (clipboards!), but it will be a few more weeks before their school stuff goes on mega sale.
So, few wrap up questions... how long can I continue to collect unemployment? How long do I have to continue to work my part time job? And now what do I stress about, besides how to teach 2nd grade which I'm super nervous about, not gonna lie. It feels good to have a plan for next year, maybe now I can enjoy what is left of my summer. But really there is still a lot that is going to be difficult about this year. Total honesty- my biggest hurdle is going to be not stressing about getting my contract renewed. If I can just keep focused on the task at hand and stay positive then I think I'll be ok.
OH! I almost forgot the other big news; the reason why staying calm is going to be a challenge. I am officially off anti-depressants. I sort of stopped taking them because I didn't have any refills and didn't think I could afford to go to my Dr. And now that I'm off I don't really want to go back on unless I have like a total breakdown halfway through the year. So we will see how that goes.
I think that's all in the big news category. Hopefully everything works out and 2nd grade is where I'm supposed to be.
:)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Random thoughts
I haven't been sleeping well (shock) and it is showing at the gym. My trainer, who I will call X, is noticing my fatigue. His solution to this? I get to come in every. day. this. week. Yep, the cure for being super tired is to work out more. I thought I could get out of at least Friday, because there is a job fair, but noooo I just have to get up early and go before the job fair. X is evil, and determined to make me punch him in the face. He also tries to make me laugh in the middle of sets, which makes me lose count and have to do more. I'm on to him, but math was never my forte and I find it hard to do the exercise, count, and remember to breathe all at the same time.
So, the point of that was that it is almost midnight, and I should be asleep. Especially since I have to be at work at 9 am tomorrow. I can't wait to quit that job. It is driving me insane. Unfortunately, it kinda looks bad to quit a job while collecting unemployment... soon though. So soon.
Speaking of, I should be able to update with job news by the end of the week. I want paperwork in order before I go public, or quit other jobs and such.
Which leaves me with some random updates.
-Ordered my MOH dress for Mere's wedding today! Hopefully I will look amazing, as it is literally the last one in all the USA in my size/her color and coming from Kansas. It is very us to pick something that is discontinued and difficult to locate. It really only made me want it more. ;)
-I cannot decide if it is best to renew my vehicle registration for 1, 2, or 3 years. I feel like it can't be a bad idea to go ahead and register it for 3 years, since it already caught me by surprise byexisting needing to be taken care of so soon ... and there isn't a price difference, just putting the money out now or later. I like the idea of crossing something off my to do list for a very long time.
-No, my bathroom is still not done. Mostly because I spent ALL DAY yesterday at work, and then slept in this morning (see above: exhausted).
-There is going to be a neighbor smack down, as soon as I am home long enough for it to happen. My screamy shouty domestic violence neighbors moved out, and I thought no neighbor could be worse. Boy was I wrong. My new neighbor has this terrible alarm clock that wakes me up every morning (even weekends) by vibrating my bedroom wall. This is NOT OK. It's not even loud, it sounds like a phone on vibrate. It's actually more annoying because it is so quiet, but a high pitched buzzing. Methodically timed. And I can't turn it off. The first 2 days I checked my phone thinking it must be mine. But no. Soon, they will be informed of this fact, and hopefully the buzzing will stop.
Going to *TRY* to go to sleep now. :)
So, the point of that was that it is almost midnight, and I should be asleep. Especially since I have to be at work at 9 am tomorrow. I can't wait to quit that job. It is driving me insane. Unfortunately, it kinda looks bad to quit a job while collecting unemployment... soon though. So soon.
Speaking of, I should be able to update with job news by the end of the week. I want paperwork in order before I go public, or quit other jobs and such.
Which leaves me with some random updates.
-Ordered my MOH dress for Mere's wedding today! Hopefully I will look amazing, as it is literally the last one in all the USA in my size/her color and coming from Kansas. It is very us to pick something that is discontinued and difficult to locate. It really only made me want it more. ;)
-I cannot decide if it is best to renew my vehicle registration for 1, 2, or 3 years. I feel like it can't be a bad idea to go ahead and register it for 3 years, since it already caught me by surprise by
-No, my bathroom is still not done. Mostly because I spent ALL DAY yesterday at work, and then slept in this morning (see above: exhausted).
-There is going to be a neighbor smack down, as soon as I am home long enough for it to happen. My screamy shouty domestic violence neighbors moved out, and I thought no neighbor could be worse. Boy was I wrong. My new neighbor has this terrible alarm clock that wakes me up every morning (even weekends) by vibrating my bedroom wall. This is NOT OK. It's not even loud, it sounds like a phone on vibrate. It's actually more annoying because it is so quiet, but a high pitched buzzing. Methodically timed. And I can't turn it off. The first 2 days I checked my phone thinking it must be mine. But no. Soon, they will be informed of this fact, and hopefully the buzzing will stop.
Going to *TRY* to go to sleep now. :)
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Jinx
I'm pretty sure I jinxed myself by announcing my intention to overhaul the bathroom. Obviously, this has not happened yet. I did do some pretty epic napping this weekend though. It is on the list, and will eventually get done. Just like a million other things that are on the list.
I have tracked the past 2 days. One more day and I get some pizza!! :)
Apparently I need to renew my vehicle registration... I was totally not planning on that at all. I was completely surprised by the renewal notice. My car is only a year old, and since the inspection isn't due for another year I mistakenly thought the registration was good for 2 years too. Guess next week's unemployment check will be going to my car. Yea unexpected expenses!! Being an adult isn't fun yet...
There is news coming, but I refuse to jinx it by publishing before things are more finalized.
Tomorrow is going to be a super long day, so I think it is time to go back to bed. Best thing about bed? Can't eat while sleeping. win!
:)
I have tracked the past 2 days. One more day and I get some pizza!! :)
Apparently I need to renew my vehicle registration... I was totally not planning on that at all. I was completely surprised by the renewal notice. My car is only a year old, and since the inspection isn't due for another year I mistakenly thought the registration was good for 2 years too. Guess next week's unemployment check will be going to my car. Yea unexpected expenses!! Being an adult isn't fun yet...
There is news coming, but I refuse to jinx it by publishing before things are more finalized.
Tomorrow is going to be a super long day, so I think it is time to go back to bed. Best thing about bed? Can't eat while sleeping. win!
:)
Friday, July 8, 2011
Bad Girl
I've been a bad girl. First, I've been a bad blogger- sorry for that! I'm a busy girl (more on that later).
I have been a bad WW girl. I haven't tracked in 3 days. I'm sure there is some sort of WW confession for this, but since I don't meeting, I'm just telling you. I haven't been too bad (except today's Chick-fil-a....but it was cow appreciation day, and essential. Oh yea, and that cake yesterday....). Ok I've been bad with my eating too.
BUT- I have been to the gym. I didn't bust my butt either day, yesterday or today, but I was there and that is half the battle.
Tomorrow morning I have my personal trainer and I promise to put some effort into it. Then I promise to track. I think I let the "holiday" take over the whole week, and I got lazy/distracted. SO if I am a good girl and track all weekend then I will reward myself with pizza on Monday. :)
OK, short update tonight since I have to be up and on my game early tomorrow morning. Then tomorrow is bathroom organization day.
:)
I have been a bad WW girl. I haven't tracked in 3 days. I'm sure there is some sort of WW confession for this, but since I don't meeting, I'm just telling you. I haven't been too bad (except today's Chick-fil-a....but it was cow appreciation day, and essential. Oh yea, and that cake yesterday....). Ok I've been bad with my eating too.
BUT- I have been to the gym. I didn't bust my butt either day, yesterday or today, but I was there and that is half the battle.
Tomorrow morning I have my personal trainer and I promise to put some effort into it. Then I promise to track. I think I let the "holiday" take over the whole week, and I got lazy/distracted. SO if I am a good girl and track all weekend then I will reward myself with pizza on Monday. :)
OK, short update tonight since I have to be up and on my game early tomorrow morning. Then tomorrow is bathroom organization day.
:)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Clean-up
This weekend was devoted to cleaning.
First, I had some fun with bleach. My washing machine was spitting out clothes dirtier than when it went in. So I ran 1/2 a cup of bleach through on a short wash. Then I decided it was time to brighten up my blanket from my bed (white) and ran that with some bleach. Finally, a load of bras that were white at one time to make sure the bleach was out of the washer. Success! Blanket clean, bras brighter, and general clean feeling about the washer. Check.
I then moved on the the kitchen where I fixed my ice maker all by myself. See, the on/off arm thingy had come out of the switch hole (technical terms). I just had to get a flashlight and a chair and I got the arm thingy back into the switch slot. Ice maker now working. Check.
The rest of the week will (eventually) be devoted to a complete bathroom cabinet overhaul - all random bottles of stuff that hasn't been used will be discarded (come on girls, you know we all have them), all old makeup will be trashed, and the remaining supplies will be organized. Probably Thursday or Friday.
In the meantime, I have a big day tomorrow. Wedding dress shopping w/ Mere (SQUEE!!!) and a JOB INTERVIEW (TRIPLE SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!) Just finished putting a new portfolio together (can't find my old one to save my life) and I think it looks pretty good. So fingers crossed tomorrow friends!
:)
First, I had some fun with bleach. My washing machine was spitting out clothes dirtier than when it went in. So I ran 1/2 a cup of bleach through on a short wash. Then I decided it was time to brighten up my blanket from my bed (white) and ran that with some bleach. Finally, a load of bras that were white at one time to make sure the bleach was out of the washer. Success! Blanket clean, bras brighter, and general clean feeling about the washer. Check.
I then moved on the the kitchen where I fixed my ice maker all by myself. See, the on/off arm thingy had come out of the switch hole (technical terms). I just had to get a flashlight and a chair and I got the arm thingy back into the switch slot. Ice maker now working. Check.
The rest of the week will (eventually) be devoted to a complete bathroom cabinet overhaul - all random bottles of stuff that hasn't been used will be discarded (come on girls, you know we all have them), all old makeup will be trashed, and the remaining supplies will be organized. Probably Thursday or Friday.
In the meantime, I have a big day tomorrow. Wedding dress shopping w/ Mere (SQUEE!!!) and a JOB INTERVIEW (TRIPLE SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!) Just finished putting a new portfolio together (can't find my old one to save my life) and I think it looks pretty good. So fingers crossed tomorrow friends!
:)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Give me London
I'm pretty sure I was British in another life. I love London, tea, and HATE the 4th of July. It's pretty much a cursed holiday in my family, dating back to as long as I can remember. I'm also totally my father's daughter and get paranoid about the stupidest things, including the 4th. We are very superstitious about the so-called holiday. I almost can't explain why.
I am probably the only person in a 100 mile radius pleased that fireworks are on the super no no list this year. No fireworks? Fine by me. Excellent even. Down with fireworks. OHH light in the sky-- Lame! They are dangerous, have no useful purpose, are dangerous, and often times illegal. Oh yes, 4th of July is a fantastic idea- let's add alcohol, explosives, and idiots! SO FUN! No. To safely watch fireworks, one must go be in a huge crowd of people. I hate crowds. Do it yourself? Someone is either getting hurt or arrested.
There is also a large amount of red about on this holiday, and all that red just makes me itchy.
So, call me unpatriotic, but I haven't had a good experience with the holiday yet, so I'll be hiding out and waiting till it's over. Y'all have fun with your danger fire. I'll be safe at home not getting arrested.
:)
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