Saturday, April 14, 2012


So I have a quasi-serious question for my blog-friends. I have been on match for 5 months now, and no one wants to date me. I only have one more month of the 6 month guarantee -match executives think I should have found love by now. I have been on 2 dates and one "lets grab coffee and catch up" with someone I knew from high school (so I'm not sure it counts). I haven't been dating like I'm paying for a dating service...and now I feel very defeated. So now I have to ask.

What's wrong with me?
Am I not cute?

 I used to think I was a pretty cute girl. Not conventionally pretty, no one would mistake me for a model, but I thought I was moderately good looking. Now I used to be really skinny. I know that in the past few years I have put on some weight, but other than some squishy middle parts I don't think I'm horribly repulsive or anything. The boys I have dated were of average build. Not ripped like an abercrombie model, but without many squishy parts if you know what I mean. I know the boys I have dated had a certain bad boy look, but they were pretty cute. Not ugly or anything. I just don't understand. All the people on match who have been interested in me, are NOT CUTE. I'm not attracted to them. But they want me. There seems to be something about me that 200-300 lb men love. I've never been into the big and round look. I'm trying not to be mean and superficial, I know big kids need love too. And I'm not trying to throw stones, I know I'm not at my fighting weight. But seriously? The boys who I think are cute (based on profile pictures that let's be honest could be fake) always say "no thanks" or don't respond to me. Making me more confused about the situation. I just am not into guys I can't physically put my arms around to hug. So do I need to lose more weight to get the guys I want? Or is this what I'm stuck with. Am I really just not cute.

Evolution of a painting

Have you heard of the new trend? It's painting classes where they encourage you to be drinking while trying to copy a painting. It's pretty fun. There are a few different places where you can do this around, each with a clever name. I have gone twice now - once with work and one with twin (she's totally addicted and is trying to go to each different chain to find the best. Then I think we will need to get her a 12 step program or something lol). I really like it. I think it's supposed to be relaxing (what with the drinking) but it is really a roller coaster of emotions! Perfectionists need not apply as it can become a little frustrating.
After thinking about it last night (because I haven't been sleeping) I have come up with the evolution of painting.

Arrive at class, examine sample.
"I can totally do this. I will hang it in the hall, or maybe my living room. People will ohh and ahh and tell me how artistic I am. This night will be amazing."
Class starts.
"OK, so I'm not quite getting the same color. Blending is hard. Oh no I went too far to the left. Crap. I suck. Maybe if I blend over here a little....nope too much."
"Oh I can just add a little over here and then it's great. Back on track, almost looks like what the teacher is doing. I rock!"
Looks at neighbor's painting
"How did she get that shading? I am a failure at art. I suck. My color is not as "bouncy" (yes, real word the instructor used last night) as that. I'll just go back over with some more of that secondary color."
"CRAP CRAP CRAP. I ruined it. This is going strait into the garbage."
Move on to next section.
"Oh we are going over this part with a tree. I love trees. I will rock at trees."
"Trees are stupid. Branches are stupid. Shading is stupid."
"I'll just dab some more paint over here. flowers/leaves will fix everything."
"Too much!! Abort abort. Crap. Ruined."
"This looks nothing like the sample. and nothing like anyone's in the room. I suck."

"From far away, and in the dark... it doesn't look half bad. I am an artist." :)

Here are the pictures from my two experiences. I both love and hate them. They are incidentally both still in the trunk of my car.