Wednesday, February 29, 2012

February - Deceptively long

Even longer than usual (thanks leap year!), February was decidedly less suck than usual. For the past 12 years this month has brought with it bad news, depressing, anxiety, and bad memories. This year I did NOT fall into a deep hole of depression (and without meds too!!). I did NOT skip work cuz I couldn't get out of bed. I did NOT think about/ dwell on things or people from the past. I did NOT stop doing my best every day.

I am a little more than a little proud of myself. This may finally be the year I let it go. Lots of it. 12 years (3 if you are only counting by leap years). It's time. Time to let both of them go. And everything that happened. Not let those things define me anymore.

So in related news -
Last weekend I went to SING at BU. It was my 10th consecutive SING, a tradition I am not about to give up. For many a February, SING was the only thing getting me through to the end of the month. They had a photo booth and so Mere and I took a picture of us proclaiming our awesomeness of the 10th year of SING. I am not showing you the picture because I was looking to the side and my eyes look like I am "special". Not cute.  But in the set of pictures is a picture of two little old ladies who are like 80 maybe. When we are 80, I hope we are taking another picture at SING.  The brother did very well at SING, scoring the acts like a pro. Even picked the winner (I guess I am out of the target demographic as I did not quite get it like he did). My first SING was the 50th year anniversary, and this year was the 60th. It is crazy to me that it has been that long. That I have gone to this event for 10 years - during college, while I lived in Boston, and when I became a grown up with real jobs. I still love everything about SING. I hope to be at the 70, 80, 90 and 100th year anniversary shows! No matter how well adjusted I become, SING will always be my favorite part of February. I just love it. I can't believe it's been 10 years, it seems like yesterday I was in college!

Just to throw it out there - This time last year (when I was at SING), I had already gotten the first letter letting me know they were *probably* totally letting me go due to budget. I was already wishing and hoping to be saved. I was pretty much already laid off. This month I have been on eggshells. I am freaking out a tiny little bit. I just really really want to keep my job. I will not feel safe until I get to sign a contract. And really, anything could still happen. It's hard to do my best while worrying. Everything I do I second guess, wondering if that is the one thing that could lose me my contract- even when I'm doing the right thing! It's not the best way to live but it's a reality. SO while February was not sucko for the usual reasons, I am nervous about my future. I have really enjoyed this year. This February I was the happiest I have been in such a long time. I even had a great valentines day, even though I didn't have a boyfriend. Last year I had one who said he loved me, and I was 100 times happier this year than last. It's amazing. I am in such a good place, until I start to worry about contracts. So I hope I get one soon, Like for reals.

February in the bag. It's all downhill from here. :)

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


I feel like I should blog. I hate looking at my last post and having it be so negatory. February is going to be a positive month. AD said it is, and thus it is so.

I want to cut my hair. I do this about every other year or so. I want to cut it all off. I meant to do it last week, but with going to Tennessee for the marriage I just ran out of time. This week seems to be going by super fast as well. Maybe I'll get to it this weekend.

2012 is flying by and already so much has already happened. I have SING marked on my calendar and it's my guiding light keeping me focused. I am so super excited.

Whoo OK short post and now to bed.
Love yall.