TV time

Disclaimer- sometimes (ok, all the time) I think I sound like Jen Lancaster. I re-read Bitter is the new Black today and since then I have decided I am exactly as witty as Jen. True or not, reading this blog post requires a small amount of familiarity with Jen, or it may not be nearly as hilarious as I promise it actually is.
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TV is amazing. Even when there is nothing on, it's still pretty good. This weekend I did NOTHING (except get mildly sunburned and not at all drunk, see last night's post) and it was amazing. I don't think I have truly had a weekend "off" in quite a while. The first thing I did was clean out my DVR. DVR is the most fantastic accessory to TV, allowing things to be recorded to watch later. Yesterday I watched so much DVR, I forgot after while that it was recorded and I could fast forward through the commercials, until I was confused as to why I was watching commercials for valentine's day. (Yes, I was watching TV from February. I recall being very busy that month. This is what summer is for).

Which led me to thinking about commercials. I have a degree in Journalism, and have spent lots of time in advertising and marketing classes. My father is convinced my Master's is in marketing. (It's not.) I know some stuff about commercials. Please, allow me to share with you.

First of all, Old Navy, I am super disappointed that you are  trying to sell school uniforms in July. Now I know that you know this is wrong, as the smirky mother in the commercial is sending her poor kids outside while singing about the fact that is it "only July." If it is "only July" (use of the modifier 'only' original ON content) then why on Earth are you selling back to school? Are parents supposed to push their well dressed kids out on the porch to wait for the bus for 3 weeks? Poor parenting never wins. Also, do not allow that child to bring that huge unicorn to school. Her teacher will hate you for it. Finally, your male child is a douche. Correct this immediately and do not let him "pop his collar" again.

Speaking of poor parenting, since when is Nutella part of a balanced breakfast? When I think good breakfast, I often think of putting chocolate on bread. What a good idea! Nutella has a whole website devoted to this cause. It does point out that the key to this plan is putting the chocolate hazelnut/coco spread on WHOLE GRAIN bread products, however, I see some flaws in this plan. Now I am not against Nutella. It's GOOD! I took French class, I know the appeal. I just don't see how putting basically chocolate peanut butter on toast is the best breakfast plan you can develop for your children. Unless you want them to crash around show and tell time. With that awful giant unicorn.

Since we are talking about poor decisions, Dear Nick Lachey...Are you A) a glutton for punishment B) suffering from retrograde amnesia or C) stupidest former pop "star" ever? What part of "I'll put my second wedding on TV" seemed like a good idea to you? Did you FORGET how poorly putting your wedding on TV turned out the first time? Do you expect different results, now that you are soo not relevant to pop culture? You are lucky TLC is actually the wedding channel, or no one would consider putting wedding number 2 on air. What do you hope to gain from this adventure? Neither you nor whoever you are marrying is important enough to warrant air time, so how is this different than any other "say yes to the dress" episode? Please crawl back under whatever rock you were hiding under, as no one needs to see your second train wreck.

I'm sure there is more, but tonight is technically a school night, as I have a workshop to attend tomorrow and Tuesday. I will be learning how to teach math. From what I can tell from scanning the 12 volume textbook, it somehow involves lots and lots of counting pockets. Like the kind in your pants. Hopefully this will become much clearer tomorrow. In the meantime, there are at least 3 more weeks of summer, so stay away from stores trying to push back to school on you and go pick up some mini-wheats (Full and focused!).