never apologize/ the X files

I am sorry friday night's post wasn't fleshed out. I was afraid to take it all the way (I was afraid of offending), I was really blogging to keep from thinking about something that had just happened, and I was trying not to be too long winded. I know it's incomplete. Fill in the blanks. Everyone knows a HH or two, so draw your own conclusions.

I was, in a round about way, trying to throw out there into the world some small indication that I just got out of a relationship, and it was my decision to end it. Why you ask? Cuz just like he does about once a year (and always at exactly the worst time ever) a ghost from my past decided to pop up. So briefly it seems silly to be blogging about it now. I'm not gonna lie, he has sent me reeling all weekend. I have a zillion and twenty things I want to say to him. But, just as quickly as he appeared, he is gone again, along with my window to say anything. Even though he said he would "talk to me tomorrow" it has now been 2 days since his message. Good thing I didn't hold my breathe...

Maybe in 2 more years I'll get a chance to have a meaningful conversation. Or maybe I will never get to say what is on my heart. Maybe it's better that way. BUT, just in case he found his way here, I wanted it known that I haven't spent the past year(s) he has been out of my life alone. That in the meantime, someone else loved me. That I am capable worthy of being loved. Maybe I wanted to remind myself too. 

I hate that after doing so well forgetting him, I've been totally consumed with thoughts of him all weekend (and hate that most of those thoughts are so angry!). So I'm writing this, and then I'm going back to forgetting. I have much more important things happening in my life right now. None of which he seems interested in hearing about. Which really speaks the most about his intentions. His ability to be a "friend". So just shake it off....

SO, my goals for this year:
-be the best second grade teacher I can be!

-write (and win) a grant. Need to start brainstorming grant ideas...

-find the perfect doctorate degree program, get accepted, and start. I want to be a Dr. :) Right now I'm leaning toward an Ed. D., maybe something in counseling? I am waiting to find the right program.

Now, time for bed. So I can wake up refreshed and renewed, and ready for the week ahead.

:)
Love you!