So far, so fast

This is my 30th post on this blog. Seems like a nice even number, so I thought I would commemorate. If I had done one a day, it would be a month's worth of posts. Since I didn't, it's about 2 months of posts (still not a bad average).

I am so far from where I started just 30 posts ago. At the beginning, I didn't have a job. I had all my teaching stuff piled in my parent's garage. I had filed for unemployment. I had a boyfriend (ok, that change was MY decision, but still.)

Today, I spent my second day trying to put together my classroom. A classroom I didn't even fathom having 2 months ago. I have a contract for the year, and I'm going to teach 2nd grade. Somehow.

I'm so thankful to have a classroom to move into. To get to keep teaching. To get to keep doing something I love despite all the turmoil in the field. To get my stuff out of the garage (cuz dude, it's like 200 degrees in there!). I really am, I promise. I know I'm supposed to teach.

I am going to miss teaching middle school. There is no way around that. I loved teaching journalism and I know I made a significant difference with my j-babies. I want to cry all the time mourning the loss of what I thought would be "the perfect job." I am trying to tell myself that that job from last year no longer exists, and I will never again have a group of j-babies that were so eager to learn and needed me so much. Sometimes you are just put with groups of kids for a reason, and I will never have a group like them again. But I miss them. A lot. I was confirmed again yesterday from an old student (daughter of a teacher at my new school, and former occupant of my current room, so she helped me arrange desks) that I really did make a difference for her, and she learned many IMPORTANT THINGS. She also was able to tell her mom that my favorite color is blue, not to share mascara, and about the inverted pyramid. :)

I am having a hard time being excited about 2nd grade. I'm such a perfectionist and I want to do things 'right', and right now I don't quite know what that looks like. Which makes me doubt myself, and panic, and worry, and be overwhelmed and cry. I just want to do a good job. I want to love this year. I want to feel confident that I am going to do the right things (and get to keep my job.....) Some of the "cutesy" things that my team mates are doing I roll my eyes at (I maintain a no glitter zone in my room). All my resource books are for grades 4-6. I feel wildly unprepared. I have no idea how on earth I am going to level and sort and label all my books for my classroom library by the end of the week.

Today I only got as far as putting up my calendar center, because math is my weakness so I wanted to get it out of the way. Also, the A/C wasn't quite kicked on in the building and it is so freaking hot (109 in my car on the way home) so I wanted something quick to finish and go home. Tomorrow and Thursday I have a workshop so I won't really get to work in my room. Then inservice week, meet the teacher night, and school.  It's almost here, so I am trying to get it together and get excited.

No Fear- :)