Interesting quote in the TWLOHA facebook feed today. I have kept coming back to it throughout the day, thinking about its implications about faith, destiny, and life. There is the positive thought process - even if you don't know what you want to do right now, it's ok because you will reach your destiny anyway eventually. And there is the negative approach- screw it, we all end up dead no matter which way you get there. I'm feeling defeated today, so negative it is...
This afternoon I filed for unemployment. It was a big sucky step. Mostly because I had decided 2 weeks ago when school first got out that I wouldn't do it. It seems like admitting defeat. It seems like it is for other people. People who aren't going to get their jobs back. People not me. I also took the time to finally put an end date for my teaching job on my resume. This too seems final. And much like failing.
Deep down in the bottom of my heart I just KNEW that I would be called back and given a contract for next year. That all this budget nonsense had nothing to do with me, because it doesn't. I feel like I gave that up today. I am exactly as devastated about it today as I was in February when I got the first letter that they *may* not renew first year contracts, in March when they *did not* renew my contract, and in June when they finished staffing for next year and I packed my classroom into my car. Honestly, I just cried a little right now. I feel like now it is final. Also, I know nothing about unemployment except that there are many hoops to jump through, and there is some caveat somewhere about you can't collect if you are subbing, so I am holding off on submitting my subbing application until I get at least one check... grr.
Why today? Well because today was pay day. And it occurs to me the this check, or the next one could very well be my last one. I actually have no idea. I will need to call HR tomorrow and figure this out, as the internet could not help me at all and I would kind of like to know at what point I will be unable to pay my rent. Also today was the official first day of summer (the season), and the end of the 2 weeks principals are still at school. So it's pretty much The End of the hope period. Time has run out. I also went to work my awesome 2 hours at my part time job (yes, it is hard to complain about being unemployed when you have a part time job, I know, shhh) and another teacher there said she was collecting unemployment. One of my reasons for not filing 2 weeks ago was I didn't think I could work part time and collect, but since I only got 2 hours this week apparently it matters not to the State. She said do it, and so I did. (I am easily convinced of things when the alternative is moving).
This whole thing, plus working my 2 hours, put me in a pretty snarky mood, and I was anxious until I was able to get to a computer and file. I was unable to do this right away because today was check up day and I had said I would go with miss Ashley to the doctor (long story, another day). Ashley and Courtney put up with my mood which was super nice of them, and Courtney and I actually had a pretty good time in the waiting room. They are currently BOTH kicking my butt in words with friends, but mostly because I don't have the brainpower to come up with good words. After finally filing for unemployment (the more times I say/type it, the less shocking it is) and putting an end date on my resume (ouch! still hurts) I used Ashley and then Courtney's computers to apply for 6 adjunct positions at Lone Star CC. So take that unemployment! I had to use their computers because 1- I have a mac and the Lone Star application refuses to work on safari, and 2- I tend to get frustrated about half way through and want desperately to stop unless someone is there watching me.
So, how's that for productive today? Do you think it will be enough to appease the parent monsters? I hope so because I have to see them tomorrow. And it might suck more than filing for unemployment...
*Dear Courtney, thank you in advance for coming with me tomorrow to provide a buffer so my mother does not tear me a new one. You rock!*
:)
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