the monster

Today was a double whammy. First, I hit the gym. I am trying desperately to get in shape. This is hindered by my great amount of stress (makes me lazy, tight muscles, and eat poorly). However I have a trainer and he is fairly good. Most days I don't even hate him. Today was not one of those days. I learned that I am failing at my diet (ok well, duh but still!) and really have no idea what is "good" to eat anyway. Note- did you know green beans are not actually a vegetable!? They are legumes. Green beans are one of my favorite green thing to eat. mind blown. - My form/posture is terrible and my brain to muscle communication is totally screwy. I am physically unable to make my brain tell my muscles to do lunges, which is a fairly simple exercise. It's pretty funny to watch, as long as I don't fall over, which I do because apparently my balance is also shot. My trainer's brilliant observation? "You are so tense, are you stressed?" um yes, yes I am.

So after being put in my place at the gym, I got to go to my parent's house. To be put in my place in a very loud and yell-y sort of way. Have you ever tried to accomplish a task without a clear objective, rules that keep changing, and while being told  screamed at about how much of a failure you are? 4 hours later, my lip and self esteem completely annihilated I was released only after promising to come over sunday for father's day to be berated by the parent who was not home today. Bonus? I learned that not only is my master's irrelevant having gotten in 3 years ago, it was also a waste of money as it is useless. Ouch. Oh and that my dreams/wants/desires are void and I should just grab the first job that comes along so that I don't end up homeless. Because everyone should just take jobs they will hate just to have a job. Um no thanks.

So the positives of the day - I am currently drinking wine, I called HR and it appears my last pay check will be in August so crisis averted, and the book I put on hold at the library is ready.  And after spending the afternoon with my mother courtney offered to pay my rent for a year as an alternative to living with them ever, if necessary- which it totally won't be. fingers crossed...

Time to go to sleep, gym again early tomorrow morning and then a fun filled library day! I love library :)


:)